My niece is in the Navy in Washington, DC. She's getting married 12/31/04 in California. The Navy's only giving her about three days to come to Calif., marry and go back. I want to have a shower for her.
(1)My sister and our Mom like the idea, but Mom says I'm "too close a relative" to host a shower. I don't know where she came up with this idea. (Maybe that's why I never got one for my wedding or my 4 kids!)
(2) Irrespective of that, is the following shower idea totally inappropriate? I want to have one WITHOUT her physically present, but have all the guests present at the shower. We could call her during it and video tape it too. I also want the invitation to say that it's a "lingerie" (because that's fun stuff) and "gift card party" (pragmatic), and send along a list of undie sizes and a few stores where she's going to need to purchase things after her wedding, i.e., Home Depot, Target, etc. They don't have much money, and just being able to go out and get a hammer, paint, etc. with a gift card would be more useful than anything, I think, to help them set up a home. She can't lug a bunch of gifts back to D. C. with her and shipping costs for gifts will probably cost more than the gift and just waste a bunch of money!
Please reply, and if you are flabbergasted by my stupid idea, please suggest something else.
Thanks.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 13, 2004, 3:04 PM
Post #2 of 4
(3376 views)
Re: [Nikicobi] Are My Wedding Shower Ideas Too Inappropriate?
[In reply to]
Dear Are My Wedding...,
Well I'm not flabbergasted because I know where you are coming from, but I must say that your ideas require a closer look.
Your mother is correct, you are too close a relative to give a shower. It is as if you are begging for gifts for your family. Sorry, didn't make up the rules, just report them. Perhaps you can find a friend of hers to 'host' the event and you can help in the background.
Typically, my head would spin around and scare all of the small children on the block at the thought of someone having a shower without the bride in attendance and it still sounds... not appropriate. This is definitely not proper etiquette. But, because she is in the military with a short amount of time available, as long as you direct the entire shower to the camera as if it were her, I can't believe that I am saying this, you are fine. (That was difficult).
As for the invitations stating what the guest should give, where they may purchase the items and including sizes... please do so politely. Which means that you may now include gift registries, but please do not mention gift certificates. People will ask and then you may tell them. Most will probably assume that a gift card is a good idea anyway because she is in the service.
Finally, please ask the friend (because you are not hosting the shower) to invite only those invited to the wedding.
Thank you for wanting to help make your niece's wedding experience more special.
(This post was
edited by Et.byRebecca on Sep 13, 2004, 6:03 PM)
B Shower Expert
Deleted
Sep 13, 2004, 6:18 PM
Post #3 of 4
(3363 views)
Re: [Nikicobi] Are My Wedding Shower Ideas Too Inappropriate?
[In reply to]
Hi Nikicobi,
I agree with Rebecca - these are unusual times, so if having a shower minus the bride is the best you can do, then go for it!
Having a camera record the event will allow the bride to experience her shower - just at a different time. Definitely schedule the event when a phone call to the bride can be set up, and put the bride on a speakerphone so that everyone can share in the experience. If possible, have the gifts opened while the bride is on the phone so that the gifts can be described to her and she can respond with a thank you. (Of course your niece should also send thank you cards after she actually receives the gifts.)
Remember that when you describe a gift certificate, name the store but do not state the amount of the certificate.
Re: [Nikicobi] Are My Wedding Shower Ideas Too Inappropriate?
[In reply to]
Is it improper etiquette? Yes. Do other people do it anyway? Yes.
But if you add up the fact that you're a close family member, and the Bride won't even be there, then that's where others may get the idea that this is "greedy".
My question is: Are you the Maid of Honor? The duty of a bridal shower normally falls to the Maid of Honor, even if she is family. That's why you'll find family hosting the bridal shower. If you're not the Maid of Honor, then talk to the MOH about the posibility of having her host the shower and then you can provide all the help/ideas/food/games/etc without actually being the hostess.
Your idea of a lingere and gift-card shower sounds fun and practical. I liked the other ideas posted and think you could pull it off nicely, albeit delicately.
Are My Wedding Shower Ideas Too Inappropriate?
