I am the stepmother of the groom and one of my dear friends has graciously offered to host a bridal shower. I am not certain of etiquette-do I compile the guest list and have the Bride add to? The Bride has told my friend that she wants it to be a couples shower-is that not up to the hostess? We had intended this shower be for our closest friends (female). I would expect a friend of the couples to host a couples shower.........Please help!
The bride should be consulted because no one should be invited that is not invited to the wedding. If you wanted close friends to be invited, you would have to make sure that they are indeed invited to the wedding.
However, if it is your friend who is hosting, she is the host and can host any type of shower she wishes. Of course, the bride always has the right to say, "Gee, I really don't want to go." So... You see where this is going. It would be nice if a friend of hers could host a couple's shower, which would be fine. Many people have more than one shower.
It is up to the hostess to have the final decision on the composition of the guest list in terms of number of people and whether the shower should be for couples or whether it should be a female-only shower. Your friend is generously hosting the shower as a gift to you and your family, and she has the right and authority to set the parameters on that gift. You should compile the guest list based on your knowledge of your family and family friends, keeping in mind the number of guests your friend can accommodate. I would keep the number of guests below the limit by two or three so that the bride has an opportunity to have her mother, sister and/or a friend accompany her.
After agreeing with your friend on the guest list, you can then show the list to the bride and groom to see if they have any additions or subtractions to suggest and also to check that all those on the guest list have been invited to the wedding. Remember it is not proper etiquette to invite guests to a shower if they have not been invited to the wedding. (If most of your friends are not invited to the wedding, then, instead of the shower, ask your friend to host a tea after the wedding to introduce the bride to your friends.)
The Maid of Honor, Matron of Honor or the bridesmaids traditionally hosted bridal showers. However, today it is acceptable for a friend, relative, or even the mother of the bride to hold the shower, if the bridesmaids are unable or unwilling to do it. But it is almost always someone from the bride's side who hosts the shower. Often, more than one shower is held. For instance, the maid of honor may host one shower for the bride's friends and family and then someone from the groom's family hosts another shower in order to introduce the bride to family and friends of the groom.
It seems to me that your friend had in mind a small, secondary shower, for the groom's side, as explained above, which was to be limited to just the groom's family and friends. I suggest that you just explain this to the bride and groom and get input on the list you have already compiled. If any request is brought up about couples or a larger invitation list, then suggest that the bride drop hints to her family and friends about planning a second shower.
Bridal Shower Etiquette
