Our situation is that although my brother and his future bride are both entering on their first marriage, she has been engaged before. The first wedding was called off....after the bridal shower. My understanding is that she attempted to return the gifts, but most of gift givers would not accept the return. I think this has made her uncomfortable at the thought of another shower. The situation is this- my family is a big midwest family. Most of my family members view the shower as an opportunity to welcome my brother's future wife into our family. I have been able to shut down the various offers to do the shower only by saying I would do it myself for our family- a small luncheon. (Obviously it goes without saying that the bride's mother, grandmother, bridesmaids and whoever she wishes would be invited as well.) My concern is that basically that it will be done with or without the bride's blessing by my Aunt's (from a place of love and happiness) and the best way of tailoring to the bride's wishes is to do it myself. My questions are as follows:
1. How tacky is it for a Groom's sister (and brides maid) to throw a shower for "his side" plus who the bride wishes to invite?
2. Is it proper etiquette to put some sort of "please no gifts" message on the invitations if that is the brides preference (they are both 27 and this is my brother's first experience in anything remotely wedding/engagement related) and if so, how would one exactly word it (your presence is gift enough)?
3. In recent years my family has done shower's for our side for brides to be. During the research this is apparently not proper etiquette- although it wasn't immediate family that was hostess. I don't want to step on anyone's toes. I do not know the maid of honor (but will call her after the research today). The difficult situation is that it is going to be done by my relatives with or without my involvement. I have influence enough to say I'm going to host at a restaurant and that it will be small, but I'm not sure I have enough to put a stop to it altogether. Help- I don't want to step on anyone's toes, not please the bride to be (who I love and is fabulous), and I have a Grandmother with a wedding quilt already to present, and a mother so happy for her only son!
My opinion is that everything should go exactly as she (the lovely bride to be) wants. I'm just tryling to manipulate situations to make that happen. Any suggestions?
Bridal Shower Etiquette Sister of the Groom
