I understand that Bridal Showers are optional but we got together with all the bridal party (females) and decided on planning a shower. Two of the bridesmaids consist of the sisters of the groom. One is only seventeen years of age. When we sat down to discuss the event the mother of the groom said she will be contributing (cost/food preparation) on behalf of her seventeen year old daughter. Too make a long story short the invitation read hosted by the bridesmaids and this upset the groom's family. We didn't do it intentionally but we assumed since she said it was on behalf of her daughter (who is a bridesmaid) we didn't think to put her name on the invitations. We all contributed to the shower. The one sister made rude remarks before the shower even took place how poorly this was planned. When it came to combine all the costs and split it evenly we received a very rude email from the older sister stating that her sister is too young to contribute and the mother of the groom is not contributing to the cost and shouldn't because her name was not included in the invitation. When the MOH replied politely and explained it was not intentional but we assumed since your mom said she was participating on behalf of you sister. She replied that her mom never said she would contribute (basically calling 5 of us bridesmaids liars), again stating there is hurt feelings and went on about they will not be contributing and her mom is in her 50's and never was a part of a shower that cost $1,000 (total not per person). The bride had a list of 65 people. Most of the showers I've been to and including my own cost about the same thing and then some. The email was crass.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jun 20, 2007, 2:52 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 20, 2007, 5:48 PM
Post #2 of 6
(881 views)
Re: [jartris] Bridal Shower hosted by bridal party
[In reply to]
Dear Jartris,
Actually this shower is way too large. It may appear to be a reception. It shouldn't cost this much either. If all of the guidelines were followed in planning the shower, it would be less costly.
The mother shouldn't have been involved at all, so her name shouldn't be listed.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Bridal Shower hosted by bridal party
[In reply to]
The groom sent the invitation list to the MOH. Most of the list consisted of the groom's family and friends. The bride has little family left. I agree with you about the mother not being involved but when we all got together to meet for the first time and discuss the shower she stated she was contributing on behalf of her daughter (17 years old). The shower is over thank goodness but how do we respond to the nasty emails? I told the MOH not to respond and we will just not include them and divide our expenses between the remaining bridal party. We will not pay them for their portion. Do you think this appropriate? Unfortunately we will have to see them again.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 20, 2007, 8:51 PM
Post #4 of 6
(863 views)
Re: [jartris] Bridal Shower hosted by bridal party
[In reply to]
I'm very confused at this point. What would you include them in? And, how will you divide the expenses when the shower is already over. It should have already been paid for. What would you have 'paid' them and what for? This is very confusing.
As for replying, if you plan on paying for all of it, just tell them that you have.
Just because the groom sent a list of names to be invited doesn't mean that all should have been. The hosts decide on how many are invited. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
jartris
Jun 20, 2007, 9:24 PM
Post #5 of 6
(858 views)
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Bridal Shower hosted by bridal party
[In reply to]
I know this is very confusing and I apologize. There are three bridesmaids that live out of state so when planning this shower we delegated duties to some bridesmaids and the MOH. For instance I was in charge of purchasing invitations, favors, decorations, and tableware (utensils, cups, plates, napkins, etc.). The MOH rented the hall, purchased the centerpieces, made potato salad, rented the linens, and purchased the cake. The MOG and the SOG (bridesmaid) purchased and cooked some of the food, purchased game prizes, and recipe box. These totals were supposed to be divided by seven. Originally the MOG stated she would contribute on behalf of her younger daughter (17 yr old bridesmaid) but since her name was not on the invitation she decided not to and is expecting us to pay her for the food. Does this make any sense. Well it doesn't matter anyway because we are not paying them and it will be about the same amount each of us have spent.
I wish I knew about the invitation list and appropriate amount of people who attend the shower ahead of time. This website is helpful.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 21, 2007, 11:03 AM
Post #6 of 6
(838 views)
Re: [jartris] Bridal Shower hosted by bridal party
[In reply to]
If she agreed at the beginning to supply all of this, then you are not obligated to pay her.
Yes, I wish you had found us sooner too. Renting a hall is something that really shouldn't have been done. I know it is done some times by some people. But, it really has more of an appearance of a reception. And, it could appear more of a gift grab than the real reason for today's shower, which is to gather those who are close and create the feeling that they are all involved in the up-coming wedding.
At least for future weddings, all of you will know this now. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Bridal Shower hosted by bridal party
