I’m a bridesmaid for my girlfriends wedding. The wedding party and mothers have been talking about a shower. I don't have a lot of money being a newlywed myself with other expenses. The mothers have been talking about throwing a shower at a small hall and having it catered for approx 80 people, but expect all of the party to pay as well. My understanding is that the mothers from both sides pay for the shower if it’s going to be that extravagant. But I have also heard that it’s up to the maid honour but if it is just something small and quaint. Please help me to understand; it’s a bit of an issue.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Mar 14, 2008, 9:58 AM
Post #2 of 2
(918 views)
Re: [mpuma] Bridal shower - Who pays?
[In reply to]
Dear Mpuma,
It definitely is an issue, because mothers should not be involved at all. And, this is a very good example of why. The shower shouldn't appear to be a giant gift grab. All of these guests would be expected to give another gift, which means two gifts per person just because a couple decides to marry. This isn't fair or polite.
The shower should never resemble a reception. It is supposed to be small and intimate. A friend or someone who is close to the couple, often the MOH, will host, which mean pay. Family does not host unless it is a sister who is also an attendant. Shower etiquette is written about in all etiquette books and on sites that focus on true etiquette.
So, if you want to host this 'optional' party, you decide how large it should be--no more than 35 max. And, the gift-less shower is much more fair to guests and in much better taste these days.
If the mothers want to host a large event, let it be the reception and then they can both pay.
Bridal shower - Who pays?
