Let me lay out the facts of this problem. The MOG is planning and paying for the entire wedding. This is her only son (and only child) and he is marrying a woman with a child (this is the bride's 2nd wedding). Apparently, the bride is estranged from her family and since the MOG wanted to have a big wedding she offered to finance the event. Several women in our little neighborhood, who are good friends with the MOG, are hosting a bridal shower. We thought the party would just be an intimate gathering of our neighbors, but the MOG wanted to invite several other people outside the neighborhood that she is friends with. After the invitations went out (in which we stated the shower was "In honor of Susie Soandso"), the MOG called one of my friends and complained to her that we had worded the invitation incorrectly...that we should have described the bride as "Susie Soandso, bride-elect of Billy Soandso" because some of her friends did not know the bride. My host friend was very insulted, but also confused wondering if we had actually committed some serious etiquette crime. I assured her that our MOG friend was in the wrong and behaving very ungraciously. I felt that the MOG should have 1) not invited people who were unfamiliar with the bride, 2) if she knew these people may be confused when they received the invitation, she should have called them personally and given them a heads-up, 3) kept her mouth shut and not made our friend feel so bad. As it turns out, there were only 2 women who did not know the bride, but one has already RSVP'd because she was smart enough to figure out who the bride is. What is the appropriate way to handle this situation? Is "Bride-elect" a proper term? I think it sounds like she's running for mayor.
Only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower and only those close to the bride and groom. It seems as though both of these etiquette rules have been broken, although it's difficult to tell.
However, when hosting a shower, you don't typically mention the name of the groom since it is assumed that anyone being invited to the shower are close to the couple and know them both. The MOG should have nothing to do with the shower and was obviously not very gracious.
Bride elect is a term typically used in a newspaper announcement, not in an invitation. Showers are usually informal and that term is very formal and actually unfriendly sounding.
But, unless directly asked, I would stay out of this whole mess since pointing out someone's indiscretions can be as unmannerly as the act itself. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
One thing is confusing me though. If the bride's last name is the same as the groom's, that would mean that the couple is already married, unless they are brother and sister or the last name is very common. I doubt that the latter two reason are even a consideration. So, if they are married, there should be no shower, as this is a prewedding event. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
To clear up some confusion, I did not mean to imply that the bride and groom have the same last name or are already married. I used the silly aliases in place of real names. They are not yet married, but the bride was previously married to another man with whom she has a child.
As for becoming further involved, I am one of the hostesses of the shower. I am also the one who printed and prepared the invitations. My friend, who was criticized by the MOG, is hosting the event in her home and became the unfortunate target. I do not intend to perpetuate the tacky behavior, but I did want to have an accurate defense for my co-host.
Bride not known by invitees
