Bridesmaid agreed to host shower but now guest list is too long
I've read through the posts and have a general idea of proper etiquette for guest lists for a bridal shower (no more than 35 guests). I feel like I am in a tough situation since the bride's family alone amounts to 30 guests! The family members invited are only her mom, sister, grandmas, and MANY aunts & cousins. She also intends to invite 20+ others (friends, boss, and my mom & grandmas since she is close to my family).
When I offered to host a bridal shower for her, I had no idea the guest list would be 50+. Looking back I should have stated a maximum number for the guest list, but I never imagined her list would be so huge!
It would not be so bad if I had other bridesmaids to help, but the only other (junior) bridesmaid is her 12 year old sister. Her mom offered to ask family members to bring dishes for a pot luck. As much as I want/need help, I declined since I felt it would be inappropriate to ask guests to bring food!
I tried to politely tell my friend that the number of guests was overwhelming for me (this was back when the list was just under 40 guests), but it seems to keep growing! I know this is an exciting day for her, but I don't think she is thinking of the financial burden on me. Not only am I paying for all the typical shower items (food, decorations, favors, etc), but I also have to rent chairs (and possibly tables) for 50+ guests! I also have a small house with a deck and I don't know how many people I can host comfortably.
I feel like there is no way to confront my friend w/o her becoming upset, but I cannot stop stressing over this bridal shower and how I can actually make it happen :/
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 23, 2009, 9:15 AM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Post #2 of 3
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Re: Bridesmaid agreed to host shower but now guest list is too long
[In reply to]
While I applaud your generosity and devotion to your friend, you shouldn't be expected to put yourself into a financial bind.
You must go to the bride and explain calmly, just as you have here. You must be firm, though loving. I'll bet she hasn't stopped to consider the logistics or the burden you are feeling or maybe you were not firm enough the first time you mentioned the problem about the number of guests.
I agree that asking guests to bring food to a shower isn't right, after all, they are already bringing a shower gift and sending a wedding gift. Perhaps you could take the bride to lunch and have a little chat? Yes, she may become upset, but if you cannot host such a party then this is what must be done. You sound like a very caring individual and I'm sure you can express your concerns in a way your friend will be able to grasp.
For other bridal shower hosts reading this, when offering to host the shower, please be clear about what type of party and how many guests you're willing to host right up front to avoid this agony. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 23, 2009, 9:44 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #3 of 3
(411 views)
Re: Bridesmaid agreed to host shower but now guest list is too long
[In reply to]
Great advice! Also, one point that you could try to make (it may help greatly) is that a shower such as this could appear to be a giant gift grab and is usually considered greedy in nature. It is literally requesting two gifts from all of these people. This is something she may not have considered. And, who wants that kind of label: greedy?? It might help telling her that you found this information by doing a bit of homework on the subject of bridal shower etiquette.
Not all these people need be invited. The aunt and cousins could definitely be eliminated from her list.
Bridesmaid agreed to host shower but now guest list is too long
