I was asked by my best friend of 20+ years to be maid of honor in her third wedding. This is her third marriage and she owns her own home so I assumed she wouldn't need a shower, maybe just a lingerie party or something. Even though I still consider her my best friend, we have grown apart with each of us having a new set of friends. One of her bridesmaids just took it upon herself to start planning a shower and then asks for my input....and money. I don't mind a bit helping with it but she's telling me the cost is going to be close to $300 for everything she's purchased and I just can not afford $150. I was never ASKED to do the shower, I guess she just assumed I was. I have alot going on in my own life and don't even know if I'm going to be in town the day of the shower. What should I do? Should I just explain to the bride that I can't afford this or go straight to the bridesmaid and tell her?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jul 31, 2008, 11:55 AM)
TWQadmin
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Jul 31, 2008, 12:00 PM
Post #2 of 5
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Re: Bridesmaid does not want to host shower
[In reply to]
I wouldn't bother the bride with this. Call the bridesmaid and tell her that you wish she had asked you before she went ahead and did the planing since you're unable to afford such an extravagant bridal shower. You can explain the etiquette behind showers for multiple marriages if you like. Also note that showers are completely optional. But, if a bridal showers is being hosted then bridesmaids are expected to attend the showers, if possible. Again, if you weren't consulted about the planning or the date then you can give that as a reason you wonlt be able to attend. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
mohstumped
Jul 31, 2008, 12:45 PM
Post #3 of 5
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Re: Bridesmaid does not want to host shower
[In reply to]
Thank you very much for the quick reply. I will more than likely miss the shower because my mother has a doctor's appointment 4 1/2 hours away from home 2 days before the shower and they are more than likely going to do a total hip replacement which will require her to be in the hospital for 4 to 6 days. The bride loves my mother so she totally understands the reason I may not be at the shower. I guess the reason I've been so upset is because she (the bridesmaid) has been planning everything and I haven't been able to reach her to ask if there was anything I needed to do. Now a week before the shower she just up and asks for money!!! I haven't been included up until now so it bothers me to try and come up with the money on the spur of the moment when I have my mother to worry about also.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 31, 2008, 1:56 PM
Post #4 of 5
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Re: Bridesmaid does not want to host shower
[In reply to]
I'm so sorry about your mother, and she is your number one, first priority. And, I'm sorry that the bridesmaid doesn't know what is considered proper. This is why we have these seemingly silly etiquette rules. Thank you for offering us yet another example of why we have these rules.
Please don't feel guilty about any of this. None of it is your fault. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
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Jul 31, 2008, 2:02 PM
Post #5 of 5
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Re: Bridesmaid does not want to host shower
[In reply to]
I'm sure your bride knows what a good friend she has in you. I wouldn't worry about any of this. You aren't responsible to pay.
It's terrific that your mom has your support and that you can be there for her. You certainly have your priorities in order. God bless you. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Bridesmaid does not want to host shower
