My future mother in law lives out of town and about 2 weeks ago let me know that her husband would be driving her in and I said it was no big deal. Then it dawned on me that she would want to bring her 3 year old son (yes 3, they are 23 years apart) when I confronted her about it today and let her know that children were not invited to the shower she snapped at me and basically said she would not be attending the shower then. She also said she'd never been to a shower where kids weren't allowed, and I haven't been to one where they were (besides a flower girl)!!! I can't understand how she assumed he could come without even asking but I feel horrible because I want to start on the right foot with her and I understand that she would not want to find an all day sitter but I offered to have her husband and son hang out with my father and brother and she refused since they don't know each other. I am very upset about the whole thing and I don't know how to make things better, I do know that I do not want a child at my shower. What should I say or do to make her feel better?? HELP!!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Feb 21, 2008, 5:34 PM)
Weddings by Shayna
WEDDING CONSULTANT
Feb 21, 2008, 6:13 PM
Post #2 of 5
(409 views)
Re: [MrsGillen08] Children are not invited to the shower
[In reply to]
It is not assumed that children will be unwelcome at all showers. In many cases children are invited as the events are more casual. In others, children are not. You have a right to request that the hostess of your shower not include children, but please be considerate of others (especially your future in-laws) in the way you address the situation. "Confronting" her is not a great way to foster a healthy future relationship. Consulting her instead, and offering understanding if she chooses not to leave her small child for an extended period of time is a more mature, and in the long-term, healthier approach. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Feb 21, 2008, 6:22 PM
Post #3 of 5
(405 views)
Re: [MrsGillen08] Children are not invited to the shower
[In reply to]
I agree.
I don't know of any way to resolve this besides talking to her and apologizing for any misunderstandings.
This could have been avoided, in some part, by the host contacting her about the child. The bride (or close family members unless also attendants) is not supposed to be involved in the planning or hosting of her shower. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
MrsGillen08
Feb 21, 2008, 6:27 PM
Post #4 of 5
(404 views)
Re: [Etiquette Now] Children are not invited to the shower
[In reply to]
I have no problem with her not wanting to leave her small child but when I approached the subject and let her know that it was an adults only shower she wasn't willing to listen or take advice. The invitations read to just the woman of the household, I don't think this should have come as a shock. Also, with the father being available to watch him that day I don't think she has a good reason to miss her son's shower. I think I'm going to offer for us to come out for a visit the day after if she is not unable to make it to the shower. But thank you for your advice.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Feb 21, 2008, 7:07 PM
Post #5 of 5
(398 views)
Re: [MrsGillen08] Children are not invited to the shower
[In reply to]
I agree with Rebecca and Shayna. Let the shower hostess deal with the guests. The bride isn;t supposed to do aything except provide a suggested guest list and show up.
Pick your battles when wedding planning. Decide which issues are most important and let the rest slide, or, at least let someone else deal with it. Iif it were me, I'd leave it to my fiance to deal with his mom. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Children are not invited to the shower
