I have searched your previous posts and cannot find a problem exactly like mine, so forgive me if it is a repeat.
I am hosting a party for the wedding couple in two weeks' time. Their wedding will be the following weekend. Sadly, the groom's father died suddenly last week. I was about to send out the invitations when we received this tragic news. Due to other issues, we (the hosts) were already late in getting the invitations out. Now, we are hesitant to mail them because we don't know what the wedding couple's wishes will be. They may wish to postpone the party, cancel it altogether, or simply go ahead as planned. I hate to ask them directly because they are in the middle of this horrific grief and haven't even had the funeral yet (in two days). It seems callous and petty to ask what they want me to do, but obviously if the party is to remain as scheduled, the invitations need to go out within the next day or two.
Do we (the hosts) take the initiative to postpone the party?
Or do we proceed with our plans and send out the invites with a notation that, due to recent sad events, the party may be subject to rescheduling? (Note that the guest list is incomplete. The groom had not furnished his list at the time of his dad's death)
Or do I call the bride (several states away at the funeral so it won't be face-to-face) and tactfully ask what she wants us to do? If so, what do I say??
Please advise as soon as possible. This is a tragic and awkward situation.
Oh dear, this is a tragedy. I just need to clarify that you are referring to hosting a bridal shower. Thank you. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Yes, I'm sorry. It isn't really a shower. It is a couple's party. No gifts. This is the first marriage for the groom, second for the bride. Both are in their 30's and this was intended to be an casual yard party to give the wedding participants an opportunity to meet and socialize before the big weekend.
The event was to be held at my home and co-hosted by a few of the bride's friends/bridesmaids. Up until this point, there has really been no party/shower since this is not the bride's first marriage.
Thank you for your suggestion. I am still uncertain of how to tactfully phrase my inquiry, but at this point I see little choice but to go ahead and call her. She will return to town in two days, and one of the hosts has volunteered to broach the subject with her when she picks her up from the airport. That would only leave 10 days before the party, however, with guests receiving invites only days before the party.
I will call (reluctantly)the bride, but if anyone has any suggestions on what to say and how to say it, I would be appreciative.
You sound like a sweet, sensitive friend. I'm sure you'll come up with your message in a manner appropriate for your friend. Probably start off with something like, I know this is a very difficult time for you...
As someone who has suffered a great deal of loss in my life, I know I would appreciate your care and concern for how I'd be feeling. Note that she's still getting married and probably feeling very conflicted. She may not know what/how she wants things to go. be patient with her and err on the side of conservative. I'm sure the guests will understand no matter what decision is made and even if it's made at the last minute. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Thank you for your kind words. The situation has been resolved. The bride has decided that she does wish to continue with the party in an effort to lighten the mood before the wedding that will follow the next weekend. She also sees this as an opportunity to help the groom make the difficult transition from funeral to wedding. We have assured her that if they change their mind, we will simply postpone the party until after the wedding. A few people making phonecalls should solve that problem if it arises.
In the meantime, wish us (the hosts) luck. We now have 11 days to plan a party and invite the guests!
One last question: is it acceptable or advisable to enclose a brief note with the invitation apologizing for the short notice due to the recent family tragedy?
This really shouldn't be a large party, so all guests should know about it already. We definitely wouldn't want this to appear to be a reception. It may be best to speak to guests verbally about if you feel the need. A written note would be all right if a verbal note isn't possible. Also, this shouldn't be held after the wedding unless it is an after wedding brunch. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Death of groom's father
