I am getting married in Mexico. My fiance helped all of our guests out on expenses for their rooms. They threw me a shower and gave no gifts, which is fine (but a card would have been nice). They also decided to throw me a bachelorette/bridal luncheon down in Mexico. I don't have a bridal party (to save them expenses), but I have a close group of friends, about 8 girls, that I would consider as my bridal party. Do you think that it was appropriate for them to send the luncheon invitations out asking for payment? This went to my fiance's guests (that I don't know - but wanted to invite in order to be polite), as well as my parents and my fiance's parents. I just feel that if you are hosting something you shoudl cover the expenses - especially since they did not put any money into shower, wedding, or bach gifts.
Thoughts?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
May 15, 2007, 10:29 AM
Post #2 of 7
(1212 views)
Re: [CityChic] Etiquette for Bridal Luncheon?
[In reply to]
Dear CityChic,
If this were a bachelorette party, then it is expected for the guests to pay their own way. But, this isn't a bachelorette party. These guests wouldn't be invited to one. This is more of a bridal tea and the host would pay for all of the guests. I would ask them to cancel if they expect the guests to pay for themselves. This is a major social faux pas.
They were not obligated to host a gift giving event for you or to pay for a shower. It really isn't part of this equation. Gift-less showers are becoming more popular anyway. And, there is no such thing as a bachelorette gift. Hopefully they will give you a wedding gift as this is expected.
Re: [CityChic] Etiquette for Bridal Luncheon?
[In reply to]
Not to be picky but in your other post you said that they hosted a shower and gave you a card and a gift of a massage. Perhaps you need to step back and really give this all a good hard look. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
CityChic
May 15, 2007, 1:41 PM
Post #4 of 7
(1198 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Etiquette for Bridal Luncheon?
[In reply to]
Please don't misread who I am. This isn't about the gifts. I don't expect that. It is more about the effort that is put forth. A card, letter, photo, etc. would have sufficed. I am trying really hard to stop asking myself why I'm getting the short end of the stick when it comes to my wedding especially when I did so much for theirs? I'm not self-entiteled or the type of person that needs a pat on the back, just the same respect and dedication that I put forth for their events. Also, why throw a party and call it a shower if it is a tea party or why throw a luncheon and ask the guests and family to pay for it? This is not proper etiquette - which probably comes from me being an event planner. I am grateful for the time and planning, I just feel like friends of 15 years would show a little more effort. I'm not asking for a pity party, just whether or not these are appropriate wedding etiquette actions. What do you mean by taking a step back and giving this all a good hard look? Thanks
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
May 15, 2007, 5:16 PM
Post #5 of 7
(1175 views)
Re: [CityChic] Etiquette for Bridal Luncheon?
[In reply to]
When we have expectations, no matter how entitled to them we might feel, there is always room for disappointment.
I wanted to suggest that you focus on the more important aspects of your wedding like the ceremony, vows, location and the other areas were you have control. The rest is just the icing. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
CityChic
May 16, 2007, 8:20 AM
Post #6 of 7
(1152 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Etiquette for Bridal Luncheon?
[In reply to]
Agreed! I have let it all go. I am so excited to share this day with my future husband. Thank you.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
May 16, 2007, 9:17 AM
Post #7 of 7
(1150 views)
Re: [CityChic] Etiquette for Bridal Luncheon?
[In reply to]
Brilliant. Keep your focus and enjoy. As you know, the wedding day goes by so fast. The gifts, the food and all of the fluff is gone. What you have left are memories and a bright future. Have a safe trip. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette for Bridal Luncheon?
