I am the MOH at my best friends wedding. She is having a destination wedding with a local reception, wants a destination bachelorette party and upon starting planning the shower the sister(brides maid), mother and bride have said there will be about 40 people on the guest list from both the destination and local reception. I have tried very hard to cater to all her expenses and also tried to make some more moderate(convinced her of a drivable destination bachelorette weekend) I have planned the shower assuming around 20-ish people and have offered to have it at my grandmothers large house and cook, but 40 is too much for the space and too much to serve (I was going to cook to save money) She only invited 45 people to her destination and refused her mothers attempt to add more because she doesn’t want to incur more expense. I am feeling very taken advantage of that they are thinking a shower as big as her wedding and feeling like she wants all the events that the couple doesn’t pay for to be big, grand and expensive and the things they pay for to be moderate. They are not even paying for a portion of the attendants lodging. Her mother and sister have no problem with all this expense and I’m feeling strong armed into spending a lot of money. How do I confront the bride and family about this? Or how do I respectfully set a price/people limit.
Thank you, Frustrated MOH
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Mar 7, 2008, 3:30 PM)
Please review the many, many posts that have come before you on this subject. There are a lot of other attendants who have been frustrated by this same issue.
A bride isn't entitled to a shower, nor is the maid of honor obligated to host a shower. But, if you want to host one, only those actually invited to the wedding (the ceremony at the destination) should be invited to a shower so hopefully all of these 40 guests on the list are invited and attending the destination wedding. And, if you decide to host (35 tops), you get to decide how many guests you can comfortably host.
If you still want to host this shower then get in charge. Set a date with the bride's approval and get a suggested guest list (tell her how many you can accommodate and make a limit). Then host the event within your price range.
The couple should be paying for the attendants lodging. perhaps you can tell her about our site or give her an etiquette book as a gift. The bride should not be in charge of the bachelorette party either.
If any of this is not appreciated then bow out. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Mar 7, 2008, 3:40 PM)
I would love to give her an etiquette book but have been worried about how to do so politely. Do you have any advise on presentation of an etiquette book? Would maybe making a statement about starting off with new family on a good foot so as not to seem like I'm telling her she's being rude.
Your suggestion sound great. You are, of course, concerned for your friend and don't want her to be embarrassed. Give it to her more as a wedding planning book, a guide to help her plan the best wedding. I'm sure she'll appreciate it. You're a good friend. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Actually I would even suggest that a shower in this situation is not appropriate. It is like asking each wedding guest to give two gifts. It is much too small a wedding for a shower, unless the shower guest list is very small and it is gift-less. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Expensive bride wants shower
