Recently, my niece had a bridal shower given by her mother. We come from a very large family. There were approximately 50+ people invited. Guests included aunts, cousins, and friends. Many of the cousins are not close and I believe were invited out of obligation. This is how it's been done in our family. The problem was that most of them did not come or RSVP. Since our family is so large, many of the mothers and daughters or daughter-in-laws go in together on their shower gift. My niece received many nice gifts from these cousins but was very angry and hurt that they did not RSVP or show up. She sent out an e-mail saying things like she was at others' showers with" a gift of her own and not a name put on her mom's gift." She also said that "all who did not have the common courtesy of coming to my shower or at least to RSVP I don't want you at my wedding."
Many of the family did not receive an invitation to the wedding due to this situation. My daughter-in-law and son were in this group. There are three more weddings coming up in the next two years and my niece said not to even waste the stamp because she will not be there. I know there have been many "etiquette" violations here. Personally, I have no desire to attend this wedding. I want to be as far away from this situation as possible. What is the proper thing to do?
This is why there are etiquette rules in place even when "it is how it's been done in our family." It may be time for a major change. It seems about time. There are hurt feelings here.
It is your choice what to do at this point. But, with the rooster style strutting going on here, I would want to stay away as well. And, an invitation to a wedding is just that, an invitation. You are not obligated to attend.
Family Dilemma
