I recently received an invitation to a bridal shower for my neighbor. This young woman has never been married but has two illegitimate children by two different men. She has been living with the father of her youngest child for at least four years that I know of. Their home and household are well established and well furnished. I was surprised to receive the shower invitation since I always thought a bridal shower was designed to help a couple get started. These two have been living as though they were married for quite some time now. The invitation included information about where the bride was registered. I know that I am under no obligation to provide a gift but am willing to spring for something inexpensive. Am I wrong to feel that a shower is inappropriate for this bride? It seems to me that the shower is just a ploy to get gifts. I like this couple and don't want to hurt their feelings, but I feel that nothing more than a token gift is called for. Am I right or wrong? Am I old fashioned or just a grouch? What is appropriate in this day and age?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 26, 2004, 5:53 PM
Post #2 of 5
(2187 views)
Re: [lindaw] Is a shower appropriate for this bride?
[In reply to]
Dear Appropriate,
It sounds as if you have made up your mind already and feel as if the bride is not deserving. So, you probably should not attend. However, if you want to know if it is appropriate for her to have a shower, yes it is. She is just beginning her life as wife. Because she has so many home items, life style gifts would be perfect if you choose to give.
And please, everyone who reads this--PLEASE do not include information about where the bride is registered in invitations. If someone wants to know, they will ask.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Is a shower appropriate for this bride?
[In reply to]
In Reply To
Dear Appropriate,
It sounds as if you have made up your mind already and feel as if the bride is not deserving. So, you probably should not attend. However, if you want to know if it is appropriate for her to have a shower, yes it is. She is just beginning her life as wife. Because she has so many home items, life style gifts would be perfect if you choose to give.
And please, everyone who reads this--PLEASE do not include information about where the bride is registered in invitations. If someone wants to know, they will ask.
Sincerely,
Totally agree with Rebecca. It sounds like you feel hesitant to go--it's ok if you don't. I do think it's appropriate for any bride to have a shower. It's a celebration of this milestone in her life. I've received a lot of invitations with the registry information in them, and I agree it's tacky. People may be innocently including it because the stores encourage them to, unaware that it makes the hostess/bride look like she's being greedy.
mannersmith
Manners & Etiquette Expert
Aug 27, 2004, 8:38 AM
Post #4 of 5
(2132 views)
Re: [lindaw] Is a shower appropriate for this bride?
[In reply to]
Dear Linda W,
You are not a grouch. Showers were always intended to be a way to give brides extra gifts. Those invited should only be those who know and love the bride well enough to want to give her lots and lots of presents. Showers, in addition to adding to the bride's possessions, allow guests invited to the wedding an extra chance to meet/greet and socialize. It is rare nowadays to find a bride leaving her parent's home to move to her matrimonial home. Most women do live on their own (with or without male companionship) for a number of years before marriage. Yet, we still throw showers for them.
Most second time brides will have a small shower with very close friends and family. Since you are not close with this bride, you have the option of not attending and not giving a gift for the shower.
All the best, Jodi R R Smith
(This post was
edited by mannersmith on Aug 27, 2004, 8:39 AM)
B Shower Expert
Deleted
Aug 27, 2004, 11:26 AM
Post #5 of 5
(2119 views)
Re: [lindaw] Is a shower appropriate for this bride?
[In reply to]
To lindaw,
You did not say whether you have been invited to the couple's wedding. Only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.
You say that you like the couple, so, if you have been invited to the wedding, then certainly attend the shower and bring a small gift. A shower, today, can just be an opportunity to celebrate with the bride on a new beginning. Sandy Riffman
Is a shower appropriate for this bride?
