Living in one state and getting married in another
I am getting married in about four months and I am worried about the bridal showers. I am being given two showers and I am unsure about who is going to be invited.
I am from Louisiana (born and raised) and the wedding is going to be held in my home church there. My Mother's best friend will be throwing me a wedding shower in Louisiana with all my friends, family, and church family being invited. There will be about 50-60 people and the shower will be given in late August. (It is the only time that everyone is available before the wedding in November.) This wedding shower is not the one in question, however. My soon-to be-mother-in-law also wants to throw us a wedding shower here in Illinois. (Where I recently moved.) Again, I am very appreciative, but am unsure how to handle the guest list. As I am not from here, I do not have many friends from the area. However he (my fiancee) was born and raised here in Illinois and his mother has a rather large circle of friends. We are expecting about 250 people for the wedding ceremony, and more of an intimate reception (about 150 people; family and close friends mostly). I have read in Emily Post's Etiquette Book that people who are not invited to the wedding should not be invited to the shower, but my fiancee's mother wants to invite all of her friends to the shower that she is giving for her son and me. It does not matter to me if her friends are invited to the shower, but I was not planning on inviting an extra 30-40 people to our wedding. We just don't have the room at the reception, and I would feel obligated to invite them to the reception if they came to the wedding. What would be the best course of action in this situation? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 18, 2007, 12:35 PM
Post #2 of 5
(516 views)
Re: [Worried Bride] Living in one state and getting married in another
[In reply to]
Dear Worried,
Actually we have a number of problems here. The first shower is too large. And, you are correct that only those invited to the wedding can be invited to the shower. Mothers do not host for very obvious reasons illustrated here. Her friends shouldn't be invited unless they are invited to the wedding and are very close to your fiance. This isn't about her.
The biggest problem is that all wedding guests are also invited to the reception. The wedding is the gift giving event and the reception is the party where all guests are thanked by offering this time to celebrate your wedding.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Living in one state and getting married in another
[In reply to]
Ms. Black,
Thank you for your timely response, I would like clarification on one of the points in your response. You said that the first shower is too large. How large should a wedding shower be? I have since recounted the number of women that will most likely attend the shower and the number is about 35-40. I am from a large Southern Baptist church and my mother comes from a large family of all girls. Not to mention the inordinate amount of children (ironically all girls) that the sisters have. This is how this number came to be. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not inviting them to the shower. There are also quite a few elderly ladies that have watched me grow up in the church, and I am sure they would be disappointed if they were not invited. (They are Grandmother-figures to me) What do I do? Thanks for your help! You are fantastic at sorting out these sticky situations!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 18, 2007, 3:41 PM
Post #4 of 5
(495 views)
Re: [Worried Bride] Living in one state and getting married in another
[In reply to]
Thank you. We do try.
The problem with large showers is that they could be viewed negatively, as if you are all about the gifts. And, we wouldn't want this to appear to be a mini-reception.
We pick an arbitrary number of no more than 35 because it just seems manageable and small. It should be a small event. But, in your case if you have a lot of children involved, perhaps they don't have to be included in that 35 limit, especially if they are very young. Who needs to count a baby.
Just try to focus on those who absolutely must be there. The older family friends could meet you for tea or something. That may be even more special for them.
Living in one state and getting married in another
