MOB's friend plans to co-hosting shower from maid of honor, without being asked.
I am the maid of honor an upcoming wedding. I had offered to host the shower months ago. About a month ago the bride stated that the MOB's friend "wants to plan the shower" with me. I expressed concerns over the actual planning: costs, negotiating on decorations, invitations, plans, food, etc.
I stated that it was very nice if she would like to volunteer to help out, if needed, but I had reservations about her expecting to co-host the shower. The bride said she just wants to help.
I do not know the MOB's friend, and she is not close to the bride. My concern was that I would have to spend more time meeting the friend, and worrying about what she wants.
The MOB friend contacted me and said that she plans to help. She stated that she has ideas for decorations, location, food, and that she plans to co-host the shower with me.
Is it inappropriate for this person to automatically assume that I want help with actual planning and hosting? I had very specific ideas on what the bride would like, what would be in my budget. I don't want to seem rude, but it's actually more stressful for me now. Does this now mean that I have to put her name on the invites? I feel it would be different if another bridesmaid/childhood friend asked to host it with me.
Help!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Mar 19, 2008, 10:25 AM
Post #2 of 2
(315 views)
Re: [bradley1] MOB's friend plans to co-hosting shower from maid of honor, without being asked.
[In reply to]
Dear Bradley1,
This is a very good reason we have shower etiquette rule, which to some seem silly. Well, these rules don't seem so silly now.
Only those close to the couple should be involved in the shower. Parental friends shouldn't be involved because they are an extension of the parents. They tend to want to garner the most gifts possible. This is especially offensive to guests during this time of many opting for a gift-less shower.
The shower shouldn't be a big production. It should be small, intimate, with no more than 35 guests. It doesn't have to be held somewhere that needs a lot of planning and doesn't have to cost a lot. It sounds like this woman may want to create an event that wouldn't appear appropriate.
Now if she is a long time very close family friend, as much a friend to the bride, this would be different. But, she would still have to follow the rules.
It may be best to talk to this friend and let her know that you have read all of these rules and if she would like to assist you, it will be fine. But, it is an assist. Of course, it would be best if she only assisted and didn't cohost. But if so, her name would also be on the invitations.
MOB's friend plans to co-hosting shower from maid of honor, without being asked.
