MOG hosting a shower for our side of the guest list
My son is getting married in October. The bridesmaids are hosting a larger shower for the bride's side of the guest list in her hometown, about 90 minutes away. Since we are not near the bridemaids' shower, I would like to host a small shower for my son's side of the guest list. I realize it isn't proper etiquette for me, as MOG, to host a shower. However, under the circumstances, I'm stumped as to what my options are for a similar gathering. We "girls" would really like to get together before the wedding.
Thank you for your help!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 20, 2007, 10:26 AM
Post #2 of 8
(841 views)
Re: [Rascal12] MOG hosting a shower for our side of the guest list
[In reply to]
Dear Rascal,
No large shower should be held. Not all from any side of the family should be invited to a shower. The couple doesn't need two gifts from each guest. Showers should be small, intimate events.
Parents don't host. And, showers are optional--sometimes not appropriate. So, if you feel as if you need some time together, why not simply host some sort of tea. It should not be considered a gift giving situation. Only those invited to the wedding should be invited. Plus, this should be something the couple wishes.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] MOG hosting a shower for our side of the guest list
[In reply to]
I understand it's "improper" for family to host a shower under normal circumstances. Why is this, when so many couples today don't live near their attendants?
Just wondering. Thanks.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 20, 2007, 12:44 PM
Post #4 of 8
(828 views)
Re: [Rascal12] MOG hosting a shower for our side of the guest list
[In reply to]
This is probably another reason the traditional shower isn't viewed as positive as it used to. It really doesn't reflect who we are, how we live, or what we need anymore. The bride doesn't typically stay at home until marriage and her friends can be from all over the world. But, the traditional shower is still a gift giving event and thus, there should be strict rules governing it so it doesn't appear to be a gift grab. When parents and close family host, most often family will try and garner as many gifts as possible.
No one needs two wedding gifts per wedding guest and this is what many see the old fashion traditional wedding shower as--a way to receive another wedding gift. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Rascal12
Aug 22, 2007, 7:11 AM
Post #5 of 8
(799 views)
Re: [Et.byRebecca] MOG hosting a shower for our side of the guest list
[In reply to]
I can understand this. We live in a very rural area. If a bridal shower isn't in the planning, folks here consider it bad manners. Believe me, I've heard it. Not from the bride (I would hope NOT), but from other wedding guests. There is simply an expectation to have a get together of family and friends to celebrate the upcoming wedding.
Maybe it's the difference between rural and urban?
Thanks for this information!
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Aug 22, 2007, 7:46 AM
Post #6 of 8
(796 views)
Re: [Rascal12] MOG hosting a shower for our side of the guest list
[In reply to]
I'd like to add that I have lived in a rural area and a big city and never had a bridal shower where the bride did not attend or where the mother of the bride hosted. The shower is typically hosted by an attendant. If the bride will not be in attendance, who will open the gifts? Best to have a gift-less event, as Rebecca suggested, a tea of some sort. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Rascal12
Aug 25, 2007, 8:50 AM
Post #7 of 8
(747 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] MOG hosting a shower for our side of the guest list
[In reply to]
Oh, the bride WILL be in attendance at both showers. And the mother of the bride isn't hosting either shower, but she is helping the attendants.
We live in a village of 800 people. With none of the attendants living anywhere near us, I'm hosting the small shower here. It may not be the proper wedding etiquette, but it is the reality. In fact, some of the guests have emailed, letting me they want to be invited to the shower.
Such a different day and age.
Rascal12
Aug 25, 2007, 9:01 AM
Post #8 of 8
(744 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] MOG hosting a shower for our side of the guest list
[In reply to]
I'm just not getting the problem with hosting a small, friendly, and fun shower. Maybe the events I've been to all my life has been in poor taste?
Oh, just another question: what is the difference between a shower and a tea? I've never been to a tea, never mind hosted one, and expect that it would look very snobby to our family and friends. This is "down home" country here. And how would I communicate "no gifts"? Someplace else people might know that a tea is giftless. Until now I had no idea. Here we don't do teas, and so, no one would know that. People here will think I have the worst manners if I actually put "no gifts, please" on an invitation.
MOG hosting a shower for our side of the guest list
