I'm not really sure where to start, I guess with my maid of honor who has done nothing for me in the past 6 months. She hasn't even attended any of our bridesmaids get togethers because she's been too busy, yet she doesn't work. She was unavailble for the last get together becuase she had to go to a regae fest. I'm getting married in about 3 weeks and no shower or bachlorette party has been planned. MOH has been calling both my mom and groom's mom and leaving messages that conflict saying she is too busy to do anything. She left one message w/ Groom's mom saying that bride's mom had it all taken care of so groom's mom called bride's mom who was still waiting for guest list and date from maid of honor and groom's mom really let bride's mom have it. Told here she was worthless and ungreatful and you can imagine howe awful it was. This went on for about 10 min until brides mom hung up. -- Great, just what I needed. Now bride's mom cries for 3 hours and doesn't want to go to the wedding. What do iI do?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Apr 21, 2005, 7:49 AM)
coach4couples
COUPLES COUNSELOR
Apr 21, 2005, 8:22 AM
Post #2 of 2
(1177 views)
Re: [swatdesigns] Maid of honor not helping...
[In reply to]
What a sorry state of affairs. And a great opportunity for you and your fiance to learn how you can bring family together and tackle major issues with ease and grace.
This mess did not happen overnight. You've had 6 months of strong indications that you chose the wrong woman to be your maid of honor. Your choice to stick with that decision and to wait for her to show up differently than how she consistently showed up is what has caused your current state of affairs. What a lesson for you -- and a great chance to notice how you live your life.
Here's a great process that can assist you in learning from this as you move on and fix this mess. Simply get with your future husband and go over these questions together. When you find yourself wanting to blame your MH for things, see if you can dig deeper to your involvement.
1. What happened? Be like a reporter -- just the facts, ma'am.
2. What worked? Who did show up for you? What has been accomplished?
3. What didn't work? And why?
4. What did you learn?
5. What can you do about it now? How can you take responsibility from here?
With only 3 weeks until your wedding, I recommend that you invite your mother and his mother to a luncheon. Connect with them heart to heart and take full responsibility for how you contributed to the mess and then ask for their help in how to fix it. You may want to have another gathering with the other bridesmaids and groomsmen and do the same with them.
Be focused on the end result you want to have happen and set clear goals and intentions to get there. You may have to let go of a lot of things you wanted to have happen -- as that's the consequence of waiting until 3 weeks before your wedding to seek out solutions to a 6 month problem.
Wishing you all the best. Emily Bouchard, MSSW, Life Coach, Speaker, and Trainer
Maid of honor not helping...
