Mother of the bride trying to dictate bridal shower etiquette
I am the MOH for a friend's wedding (actually I am her only friend, no kidding, and she is pretty up front about it.)
A relative was going to throw her a shower but she live out of town and it is not very convient for guests. I had been planning on offering and the bride agreed/decided it would be better for me to host it in town.
Then it began...the 'orders' from her mom and relative; passed along by the bride. They want me to have it on the same day, same time, and in the same way the relative was???? But I am suppose to do all the work and pay for it.
I realize that often times you work with the bride to organize the event (since it isn't a surprise) but where is it okay to draw the line?
They want a luncheon but I really can't afford to do that and a pot luck wouldn't work because guests still have somewhat of a drive. I had thought of just cake, mints, nuts, etc at about 2:30...so there would be no mistake there isn't a meal.
Also she is inviting EVERY adult female who is invited to the wedding because her mom said she had to because of "etiquite"? Did I miss that somewhere?
The bride knows pretty well my financial situation right now but it doesn't seem to matter. At this rate the bridal shower would cost me more than they plan to spend on the rehersal dinner...Actually what they are asking for in a shower is fancier than anything they are doing for the wedding & reception...they are doing it as cheaply as they can. (You 'll have to trust me on 'cheap' and not inexpensive)
So how much say does/should everyone else have when I am the one paying for & hosting the shower?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 18, 2005, 8:50 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 18, 2005, 12:10 PM
Post #2 of 5
(1434 views)
Re: [ReluctantMOH] Mother of the bride trying to dictate bridal shower etiquette
[In reply to]
Dear Relunctant,
This is why family is not supposed to be involved. You can tell them that this is The Etiquette--no family involvement. They can create a very ugly mess, which is very evident in this case.
Pot luck?? This is a major no-no. Guests do not host, which means that they do not cater. Your idea of light fare is fine. My favorite showers are the chips, dips, and cake parties. I never eat those foods unless I'm invited to a shower :)
Not every one is invited from the wedding guest list. That is not proper etiquette. That is crazy. It goes like this: Only those invited to the wedding can be invited to the shower. The shower should be a small intimate affair.
Plan and host the event you can afford to host. This is your event and it is an optional event. Bottom line: the family has no say in this.
I'm sorry that these people are trying to take advantage of you and trying to make you feel as if you must take orders. You do not. They should feel fortunate that you are willing to do this.
Jeez, I feel as if I should be guarding you from them.
Re: [ReluctantMOH] Mother of the bride trying to dictate bridal shower etiquette
[In reply to]
Oh yes, I agree 100%! Also, the bridal shower is to be an intimate gathering and not just a repition of the wedding guest list so invite only those closest to the bride. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
ReluctantMOH
Aug 18, 2005, 3:41 PM
Post #4 of 5
(1418 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Mother of the bride trying to dictate bridal shower etiquette
[In reply to]
Thank you both. Now to get that message across tactfully.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Aug 18, 2005, 6:17 PM
Post #5 of 5
(1412 views)
Re: [ReluctantMOH] Mother of the bride trying to dictate bridal shower etiquette
[In reply to]
You're hosting the event so just ignore them and make your plans. Don't ask them anything but if you need something, like a list of guests, tell them what you need. For example, "Hello Mrs. MOB. Will you please provide me with a list of 25 of bride's closest friends and relatives from the wedding guest list so that I may invite them to the shower I'm hosting?" If they give you more politely let them know that 25 is all you can accommodate. If they give you 27 then obviously make compromises. But, you get the drift. Be strong.. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 18, 2005, 6:38 PM)
Mother of the bride trying to dictate bridal shower etiquette
