Mother wants to invite guests to bridal shower not invited to wedding
I (the groom) come from a Portuguese background and have a large extended family and community is very important to our cultural. My mother has some guests that she'd like to attend the shower: my aunts (of course) as well as some of her aunts and cousins. These are people that have seen me grow up and are also people whose showers my mother has attended (or son's fiances or daughters showers). It is considered tradition in my mother's culture, to invite friends and relatives of those who have invited you to there daughters or son's fiances shower (not that they were hosted by these realtives). My mother has given us a list of 30 people that she'd like to come. Perhaps too many. My mother is concerned (and stressed) that these people will be offended if not invited as it breaks this tradition. She's probably right...they can be childish and wouldn't understand.
Meanwhile, my fiances aunt has offered to host a shower at her home but cannot accomodate all the people. My fiance is afraid to turn the offer down for fear of offending her aunt and so, feels she should say yes and then have two showers. Her aunt's shower would include her and my mother and well as aunts from both sides. While the second shower would be larger and include friends and my mother's extended family. My mother pointed out that my aunts would not want to attend two showers and would likely attend the larger one (the one which more represents my family). So, it would likely turn out to be two seperate family showers. Not a good way to start family relations.
It's a delicate and complicated issue which my fiance and I stress out about and it causes tension between us. We both want to be sure that both sides of our family are considered.
Cost for the large shower shouldn't be too much of an issue as the community would come together to provide an assortment of food and pastry.
I struggle between having one shower at a hall which includes everyone, and over my fiance's aunt having one shower and exclude many people as this is what she can accomodate and in the end, it is my fiance's bridal shower (she should be comfortable)...it's not mine.
What's more, no one has stepped up (including the bridesmaids) aside from my fiance's aunt, to host the shower. My fiance thinks it would be rude to ask them to do so. Perhaps if they hosted, these issues could be resolved more easily. Not sure if they will though.
What to do?
Help!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Oct 10, 2007, 8:29 AM)
TWQadmin
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Oct 10, 2007, 8:29 AM
Post #2 of 2
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Re: [euthyphro] family disagreements
[In reply to]
Showers should never be hosted by family members unless they are members of the bridal party so the aunt should not be hosting. Showers are totally optional so my suggestion would be to avoid this party altogether since most couples really don;t ned help setting up house anymore. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Mother wants to invite guests to bridal shower not invited to wedding
