My neice is getting married on NYE and I was told (not aksed) that I am helping to give the shower. My neice's other Aunt called me and I asked her repeatedly what I can do to help out...(meaning the planning, so forth) She told me just to make sure that I bring my checkbook on the day of the shower. I was infuriated, but I didn't say anything at the time. My sister was upset on the shower decor, and several other things. She asked me for my opinion, and when I told her that I felt I should've been included in the planning and not merely paying for part of it, she seemed to think I was being unreasonable. She also asked for my opinion on how I think the shower was overall and I told her I thought it was tacky to say the least. Now my sister and the bride are upset w/ me, and I just merely expressed my thoughts. Am I being unreasonable in all this??
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Nov 8, 2004, 2:48 PM
Post #2 of 4
(1865 views)
Re: [AuntJ] Not included in planning of shower
[In reply to]
Dear Not included,
No, I do not think that you are being unreasonable. You were asked and you stated what you thought. To be told to pay for something that you have no involvement in, is not polite. Besides, it isn't nice. Also, close family members, which includes aunts, are not to host showers. There are a few exceptions--not many.
Hopefully the bride doesn't feel as if the 'tacky' remark reflects on her. Now would be a very good time to open the dialogue. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Nov 8, 2004, 3:01 PM
Post #3 of 4
(1863 views)
Re: [AuntJ] Not included in planning of shower
[In reply to]
When faced with dilemmas such as yours I always try to think, "How will my reply help this situation". In your case, since the shower is already over, it's probably best to just fib and say the shower was fine. If the shower had not yet taken place I might be tempted to tell the other Aunt that you were under the impression, as per Emily Post, that family members should never be involved in the planning of a shower.
To keep the peace, call your sister and tell her that you are sorry and that the shower was fine. Excuse yourself by saying that you were upset that you couldn't help and leave it at that. It's not something that should come between sisters, is it? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
mannersmith
Manners & Etiquette Expert
Nov 24, 2004, 4:51 AM
Post #4 of 4
(1828 views)
Re: [AuntJ] Not included in planning of shower
[In reply to]
Dear Aunt J,
It is always easy to see the mistakes after the fact. If you were helping to pay for the shower, you needed to make your thoughts heard. It is a little passive aggressive to not insist on helping with the planning and then to bash the shower to the honored guests after the fact. When your niece and sister asked about the shower, it was a rhetorical question. You should have looked them in the eyes and said how beautiful they are and how happy they looked and how nice it was to have everyone together. You were angry with the other shower hostesses, but took it out on your sister.
Hindsight is 20/20. I do not know the relationship you have with your sister. For most situations, I would just let it drop and gush about the wedding when it happens.
Not included in planning of shower
