Offered to throw shower for groom's side, now they want everyone
I am the groom's sister and I offered to throw a shower for our side of the family and close friends of the family. At the time, it was assumed that someone on the bride's side was throwing one, by the bride and myself. That person opted out and now her family wants everyone at one shower. That would be a very large shower beyond my budget.
I am in the wedding party and asked a couple of the bridesmaids if they had heard if anyone was planning anything, and they just went to the bride to tell her that I had contacted them (not to host...I made it clear that I just wanted to know the full story before I booked a place because the shower I was intending on hosting was going to be much smaller). So, now she is involved.
She and her family are upset with me, but this is much larger than I had expected and different than what I offered to do. I did talk to my brother and said I would do it and even found a place that would work, but would not be nearly as nice. Now, her family wants to throw one because of where I picked to throw the large shower and how I reacted, and they are still angry.
The truth is, I felt cornered initially, and did agree to help them out, but once I found out how expensive it would be I did not know how to work it all out. It has worked out for me at this point, and I did apologize for the confusion. I just want to know how I could have handled this any differently.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 26, 2007, 10:39 AM
Post #2 of 2
(537 views)
Re: [soexcited] Offered to throw shower for groom's side, now they want everyone
[In reply to]
Dear Soexcited,
It was they who acted inappropriately. If you wanted to host, you would set the amount of guests you wished to host, which should have been no more than 35 guests. The shower they wish to host would appear to be a mini reception and a gift grab. The family shouldn't be involved unless they are also attendants. So, this is a mess and they had a huge hand in it. If they would only read our many posts on shower etiquette or any etiquette book they would know this and avoid embarrassment.
A shower must be planned very carefully in order to appear proper because most are still gift giving events. These must not involve a large group of people because it isn't fair to the guests. Guests already have to give a wedding gift. And, if they attend a shower, they must give two gifts. Is that really fair to them? Of course not. So...we should be following these rules.
Hopefully you can get these people to read. And, boy am I glad the gift-less shower is gaining popularity. It takes this greediness out of the picture.
Offered to throw shower for groom's side, now they want everyone
