I am getting married in just a few weeks. I have a few things that have been bothering me about my fiance's bridal shower that I would love if you could answer. My fiance's sister is her maid of honor, and she is telling everyone that she is throwing this shower, however, she is asking all of the bridal party to split the costs with her. I have never heard of this before, and it makes me a little uneasy knowing that my sister (who is a bridesmaid) has to pay for this. My sister threw my fiance and I our Engagement Party, and she has a lot of things to pay for regarding our wedding (five tuxedos, her gown, a shower present, a wedding present etc.), and I feel it is unfair for her to have been asked to pay for it. Am I wrong to feel this way? Secondly, I understand that this is a party for the bride, but I cannot help but feel left out of everything. I have asked my fiance's mom and sister for some details of the shower, and I feel as if they think this is an intrusion. I feel that I have a right to know about certain things, since this is my wedding. Am I wrong to feel this way? Finally, I was told that traditonally, I am the one that brings my fiance to the shower (the shower is a surprise). Well, my fiance's mom and sister apparently have not heard of this, because they are thinking of having her go by herself. They want one of her friends to call her up and ask her to go out to lunch with her that day. I feel that i am just being passed over as some second rate person. I have told a few people how I feel (including my mother), and I was told to stay out of it and mind my business since this has nothing to do with me. Can you please help?
It's great that you want to be so involved but I have to say, the bridal shower is for the bride. It is the bride's day with to have fun and be silly with her female friends and family. Unless it is a Jack and Jill shower, it's truly a girl party. Much like women are not welcome at stags, men are not welcome at showers. It's really nothing personal.
I have been to showers where the groom brings the bride to the shower, but to best of my knowledge, it is not tradition. There is usually some sort of trickery involved to get to her to the shower, but who brings her is not very important.
Most often the maid of honour hosts the bridal shower and it is very common that the bridal party (the bridesmaids) financially contribute to the the party. Believe me, it can be costly. Chipping in for the shower often comes with the responsibilty of being a bridesmaid.
May I ask why your sister is paying for 5 tuxedos? Jay Wheatley
I am actually not interested in attending the shower, i just wanted to be included in some of the planning, and I wanted to bring my fiancee there. I mean the MOH didn't even check with my mom to see if the date was good with her before she booked a place (and as it turned out, my mother had received an invitation to another wedding for that same day and she was going to attend, before I had to tell her it was the day of my fiancee's shower...she had no idea), then she proceded to arrange everything herself, and send the rest of the bridal party a bill, which i thought was unfair. The reason my sister is paying for five tuxedos is one for her husband and one each for her four children (my nephews) who are also in the wedding party. Obviously she will split the cost with my brother in law, but it is still very expensive for her. I just find the whole situation very odd. My mother still doesn't even know which members of my family have even responded to the shower, which i find a little rude, and to top it all off, we had to cross off 8 family members that we had wanted to invite because the MOH said it would be too expensive, seeing as how "she has to pay for it all". I guess I just don't understand it all.
TheGroom: Sounds as if all involved need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Several times, mention has been made of the MOH stating she has to pay for everything. That is no excuse for behaving rudely. It is still your wedding and both you and your fiance should be consulted regarding any plans or changes. The MOH's duties are to support the couple, not to execute her own agenda. While yes, bridal showers are strictly for 'the girls' unless otherwise noted, it is not too much to ask that you be allowed to participate in some way - even if it is only to bring your fiance to the shower. I commend you for your desire to actively participate. Continue to do so and regain control over situations as needed. Regarding expenses - it is only natural for those involved to splurge and go all out for a once in a lifetime event. However, while a honorable gesture, one need not do so beyond reasonable and beyond their means. Good luck on all counts.
Please Help!
