The mother of the bride is trying to plan the wedding shower
I am the maid of honour in my friends wedding in September. She has no bridal party and the groom to be finally picked his best man a few weeks ago. I threw a shower with her mother. She wanted it to be held at a small restaurant which was fine with me. The initial deposit was $300 which I paid half for. I was told that the cost for drinks would be split at the end.
During the planning phase, the brides mother became "different" from how I knew her. She wanted bonbonierres, which I didn't think were neccessary, but only suggested things she didn't want. Closer to the date she became indifferent about the bonbonniers saying "get what I want". She had suggested giving people plain glasses from the dollar store. I ended up getting something nice for around $110 for 50 people with no help from her. However, I was just told that the final cost for the restaurant is $1570 minus $300. She wants me to pay half. I think this is a completely unreasonable cost and cannot afford this. I would have never have agreed to this if I knew how much it was. I was in friends wedding last summer and now this. Plus I need to pay for the bachelorette and my dress, shoes, and makeup and hair which I totally understand do not mind at all.
I feel like I am there just to pay for things. For example, I bought the invitations for the shower. We discussed the day they would go out. When I called her to do them on the day we planned, she sent them out without me. At end of February I was away and when I came back at the beginning of March she said she had to ask her daughter(the bride) about games because I was away. The shower was in June. Since that point, the bride was completely involved. The mother then asked two other pepole for help without telling me even though things were fine. But of course the big bill comes back to me. I took her everywhere she needed to go and suggested things that were never taken seriously. She wanted things her way. What do I do now? I never thought that this was the responsibility of the maid of honour. I feel used.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jul 4, 2007, 3:38 PM)
Etiquette Now
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Jul 5, 2007, 10:42 AM
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Re: [missmoh79] The mother of the bride is trying to plan the wedding shower
[In reply to]
Dear Missmoh,
You probably feel used because you were and still are. This was not a shower. This was a miniature reception. We never host this many guests. The mother is never involved, for obvious reasons illustrated very well here. The bride is never involved in the planning or hosting.
It is an optional party that the attendants may or may not host. This was not your job.
Bonbonierres are usually wedding favors, which fits into that premise that the mother of the bride considered this to be another reception.
Oh, and FYI--hopefully when you stated that the costs of the drinks were to be split at the end, you didn't mean that the guests were to pay for anything. Guests don't pay.
In the future, if you offer to host anything, you gain control. You decide what the affair will be. You decide how many guests will be invited. And, if this is a shower, no more than 35 should be invited. It also doesn't have to be hosted at a restaurant.
The mother of the bride is trying to plan the wedding shower
