My sister is having a wedding in Maine. Our family is from Pa but the decision to have the wedding there was based on making it easier on the grooms side of the family. Our side is all from Pa. It is a weekend long affair meaning we (the entire brides family)will be staying in hotels for the weekend.
I am throwing the Bridal shower for my sister here in our hometown. Practically every family member on our side is coming. Last night she calls and says that we have to invite his mom, sister, and Aunt...okay no biggie....and than the groom to be in the back ground was saying that it is customary for the Maid of honor to facilitate a shower and I have to throw one up there for those people.
I am on a very tight budget being that I have 4 kids, one being special needs and 3 of us are in the wedding. We are expected to drive 5 hours for the wedding and spend a few hundred on the hotel costs alone not including feeding my kids throughout the weekend. There is only myself as the maid of honor and her step daughter as jr. brides maid....my kids are flower girl and ring bearer. He says since my sister hasn't asked for any one else to be in the wedding it is my responsiblity to provide a shower for his side. Apparently his mom and sister are thinking of coming to mine and not have one themselves....
At this point I should say his family is not paying for a rehersal dinner or really anything. So to tell me its customary is irritating to me because they are not following anything traditional.
My question is do I have to throw 2 parties and is it my responsibility to cover the cost of both? HELP!!!
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 14, 2007, 12:49 PM
Post #2 of 5
(607 views)
Re: [mommarod] Throwing two showers?? Help!
[In reply to]
Relax - you're not obligated to host any shower. Any party you offer to host should be considered generous. However, when you offer to host then you pay, unless other members of the bridal party or friends of the bride have offered to help host. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 14, 2007, 6:14 PM
Post #3 of 5
(588 views)
Re: [mommarod] Throwing two showers?? Help!
[In reply to]
I agree. Plus, let's get back to the shower you plan on hosting. You say that almost every member of your family will be attending. This is not proper. The shower should be a small, intimate affair with only those very close to the couple invited. It should not involve everyone invited to the wedding. This is like asking for two wedding gifts from every family member.
Please do not host a gathering such as this. This would appear to be a reception. Also, please read our many posts concerning proper shower etiquette. There are a number of do (s) and don't (s) so this doesn't appear as a greed fest. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
mommarod
Jun 16, 2007, 7:49 AM
Post #4 of 5
(551 views)
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Throwing two showers?? Help!
[In reply to]
okay first- as for inviting family....she is a homebody. She literally does not have friends-when she vacations she goes with my Aunts. So it isn't totally strange for it to be all family.
Second-since it is a destination wedding (since we all have to goet hotels it might as well be one) there are some people that can't come due to the cost. He has said that kids are not invited so that cancels out more.
My question isn't who can come....it's if I am throwing a shower where we are from is it right for them to ask for me to throw one for his friends?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 17, 2007, 5:01 PM
Post #5 of 5
(531 views)
Re: [mommarod] Throwing two showers?? Help!
[In reply to]
The Queen did answer your question and I agreed that you are not obligated to host anything. But, the 'shower' you intend to host is not proper. I have to add this information because this site focuses on what is considered proper. And, I would in any case as I am an etiquette professional.
Please read about what is considered appropriate for showers. It is in every etiquette book in print and on many posts on this site. These 'rules' are in place so people are not embarrassed by their actions and others are not hurt.
We hosts receptions after the wedding and it is not considered a gift giving event, although many do give gifts. It should never be confused with a shower. As only those invited to a wedding may be invited to the shower but anyone could be invited to a reception.
Hosting a family only shower is appropriate as long as the host is not family (unless also an attendant). Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Throwing two showers?? Help!
