The matron of honor and I (a bridesmaid) are hosting a shower for our dear friend. There will probably be 50 people invited. Several of them have asked me if I would include the bride's registry information in the invitations. We are all very busy. I feel it is a courtesy to provide the registry information to the invitees. Also, I am stressed at the idea of fielding 50 phone calls and giving out the information verbally. Out of respect for everyone's hectic schedules, I plan to provide the registry information along with the map in the shower invitation. I would like to find some wording that would be as near appropriate as possible (since it is not appropriate to begin with).
Something like this: "The main purpose of this shower is to honor the bride with an intimate gathering of family and friends to celebrate her upcoming wedding. This is why etiquette dictates that gift registry information not be included in shower invitations. However, due to a large number of requests for the information to be included with the invitations, I have decided to breach etiquette and provide it as a courtesy only. Please do not be offended or feel that you must bring a gift to the shower."
What do you think?
Also, I am confused about this point of etiquette because choosing a theme for the shower is the same thing as asking for gifts. Also, the original intent of a shower was to give the bride gifts if she didn't have a dowery. So it seems that etiquette dictates that we "pretend" not to be asking for gifts. It appears hypocritical at best. I think providing the registry information just makes it easier for the invitees. This to me is true courtesy.
When will etiquette catch up to our modern day need to communicate information in an efficient manner and not have it be construed as "tacky," "solicitous," or "begging?"
I'm wanting to do the right thing but am looking for a better reason than, "That's just the way it's done."
Thank you for your kind advice.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 1, 2004, 12:53 PM
Post #2 of 4
(3596 views)
Re: [Auntlou] To be proper or not to be proper?
[In reply to]
Dear To be,
Well, etiquette has caught up. It is now considered proper to include gift registry information on a shower invitation. Emily Post has stated so on her web site. And in my opinion, she is the expert. So, I have had to tweek my attitude and move forward. Actually, it does make it so much easier because a shower is all about showering the bride with gifts.
Re: [Auntlou] To be proper or not to be proper?
[In reply to]
Well said Rebecca...the experts (which does include Emily as well as Rebecca!) do say that including the gift registry in invitations to parties that are gift giving occasions is proper but it is still thought tacky to include the registry in the wedding invitation since an invitation is a request to have you present at an event...not for you to GIVE a present. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
mannersmith
Manners & Etiquette Expert
Oct 17, 2004, 9:45 AM
Post #4 of 4
(3544 views)
Re: [Auntlou] To be proper or not to be proper?
[In reply to]
Dear Aunt Lou,
The beautiful thing about etiquette is that it never needs to "catch up" as it is always one step ahead. You are correct in that the whole purpose of a shower is to give gifts to the bride. Traditional hostesses will wait for guests to call to RSVP and share registry information. Additionally, those invited to the shower are those close the bride or her mother. Anyone who is close to the bride and the mother would already have a good idea where the bride is registered since their close relationship would include this information during the course of general conversation. Lastly, most modern brides have a wedding website. All wedding websites already include the registry information.
For very busy hostesses who are inviting guests who are not close with the bride or her mother, you may include the names of the stores at the bottom of a shower invitation. The verbiage is very short "The bride is registered at the following stores: ______." The polite hostess never includes the tacky cards handed out by stores.
To be proper or not to be proper?
