I'm a bridesmaid b/c my brother is the groom. The MOH planned a bachelorette/lingerie party (informing us of an expected $100 cost). That was well planned and communicated. Later, there was a shower for the family to be able to attend. I was told that a friend of the bride's mom wanted to "host" the bridal shower. We (bridesmaids) were all welcome to get together for ideas, etc. which I was unable to attend the time they chose) but this is ALL that I was told about this shower. Two weeks after the shower - which was lavish - I was sent a bill by the MOH for $60 for the shower!! When I asked about the bill the MOH said that she assumed because I didn't come to the planning meeting that I was not concerned with the details. Does this give them the right to spend my money when I never consented to it?! I don't have that kind of money - I would have stayed home from the bachelorette party if I had known!!
Incredible! That is a new one on me. You are not required to pay anything. You are not the host and were not informed that the others were contributing monetarily. Frankly, the hostess usually pays for the shower. The MOH is out of line.
I agree with Rebecca. Technically, you are not obligated to pay the $60 because you did not agree to do so.
If it were a higher figure I would definitely suggest negotiating the amount. However, my advice to you is to do your best to pay the $60. If you don't, you will risk bad feelings just before a wedding and jeopardize your relationship with your future sister-in-law. Most likely your reluctance to pay the $60 will be talked about and you will be made to look cheap, and no fault will fall on the MOH.
My question is why, as a bridesmaid, did you not ask about the results of the meeting you were unable to attend?
Bridesmaids usually help with the bridal shower, and you are not only a bridesmaid but the sister of the groom as well. Therefore, I can understand why the MOH assumed that, by paying the $100 for the bachelorette/lingerie party and not inquiring about the arrangements for the shower, you wanted to avoid giving any help for the shower and wished to just pay the cost instead.
Of course, this in no way excuses the MOH for not letting you know, beforehand, the amount to be funded by each person in the bridal party. However, it might just be that the MOH thought that the friend of the Mom or some other member of the group had told you, and the friend of the Mom thought the MOH had told you. Sometimes, these communications just get lost through no specific person's fault.
I would strongly suggest not creating an argument over this matter at a sensitive time like this. You do not want to have an uncomfortable time at the wedding.
RE: You're question about asking the results of the meeting.
I did speak to another bridesmaid about the meeting and asked if they needed anything. Was there anything I needed to bring, etc. I was told, "we have it taken care of." Seems like it would have been an opportune time to mention some fee. All conversations pointed toward the host wanting to be the one in charge and since the girls had their chance to throw the bachelorette party I thought this was the host's time to shower the bride with affection.
Agreed. She said she was hosting so that should have meant that she was paying. If she expected the bridesmaids to chip in she should have stated so.
However, if you can afford to pay the $60 then please do and consider it a lesson learned. Otherwise there could be some hard feelings that may make parting with a few dollars seem trivial. If you are strapped for cash, maybe you could take the MOH aside and politely let her know that you didn't realize you were expected to pay and since you have already shelled out quite a bit of money for the bachelorette party and the bridesmaids dress that you'd appreciate it if she could wait until (give a date) when you will have the money. Hopefully she will do the right thing and tell you to forget it. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Since you asked the question of the other bridesmaid, you did everything perfectly correctly and the planning team was in the wrong. However, it is still prudent to avoid a row over this, if possible. The Top Wedding Questions Administrator's suggestion that you ask for a late date for payment is wise because it shows your willingness to share with the expenses but a problem in doing so. I would go with her suggestion.
I do hope you have a wonderful time at your brother's wedding.
Unfairly Billed?
