As a nice gesture, my stepson has invited my mother, sister and sister’s daughter and d-i-l to the bridal shower. We all live in another state and my husband and I will be traveling so I can attend the event. The others will not be attending. My sister and mother wanted to give the couple a gift but since it was too long after the engagement to do so, decided to give a shower gift instead so I encouraged their shower invitation as I knew they would welcome it. I only now learned it is inappropriate to invite out of town guests to a shower.
I did not even realize my niece and niece-in-law would be invited to the shower and now feel badly that they were as I did not want them to feel they must give a shower gift. Is it bad etiquette for them to not give a shower gift, as they are not attending? My sister is going to give a gift just from herself and doesn’t think her dd and dil need to send a gift as they are not attending and don’t know the bride at all or the groom very well. I am fine with them not giving a shower gift but wonder if it looks badly and I feel responsible. Would it be better to have my sister include their names on her gift and have her gift be from all three of them?
Many thanks for your input
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jul 14, 2005, 10:31 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 15, 2005, 10:54 AM
Post #2 of 2
(2983 views)
Re: [ladym] bridal shower gift etiquette
[In reply to]
Dear Ladym,
I am lost. I really don't understand the who or what or why. Family should not host, but I'm not sure what relationship the couple has to any of your family. So... we won't deal with that issue.
Engagement gifts are not obligatory in most areas. So, your mother and sister were not obligated to give one. In fact, an engagement party is not supposed to be considered a gift giving event. However, I realize that in some regions people do give engagement presents and it is expected. But, this is just the first of many times the couple could be given a gift. So, in my opinion this makes gifts optional.
There really is no etiquette law about not inviting out of town guests to a shower. It is just one of those things we don't usually do because it may appear as if we just wanted a gift and know the guest cannot attend. And, this is one of the reasons why I do not believe that an invitation to any event is an obligation to give a gift. This to me is not logical or fair.
However, many etiquette specialist still believe that a shower and wedding invitation obligates the guest to give a gift. So, it is your choice who to follow.
But, if these guests do not even know the couple, why were they invited and why would they be obligated to give a gift? That doesn't make any sense to me. In my opinion they are safe from etiquette jail if they decide not to give.
bridal shower gift etiquette
