bridesmaids agree to plan shower but family member's took over
Here are the circumstances.
My best friend is getting married, and another close friend is the maid of honor, I am a bridesmaid (who was taking care of her MoH duties while she was at college).
Recently we were working with her sisters and cousin (the other bridesmaids) to host her wedding shower. None of us had ever thrown a shower before. We had a meeting, worked out the details (menu, guest list, everything except the actual budget). We had agreed to try to keep costs to a minimum.
We invited about 60 people (all the bridesmaids agreed on this number). The MoH and I have thrown several parties before, albeit never a shower. Our past experiences taught us that if you invite 60 people, only 40 will show.
As the shower neared her family went into panic mode, and informed us that they were renting a hall because the guests would not fit in the person's home we were supposed to hold it at. They told us they had only recieved 3 RSVPs at this point and that the down payment was on the hall and that we owed them money.
At our final shower planning meeting, they went over all the details…and the MoH and I found ourselves completely boxed out. They had covered everything and told us (direct quote here) “You guys can bring the chips.”
I was under the impression that the MoH was supposed to throw the shower so it wouldn’t be inclined towards the bride or groom… so it would be balanced. Her family completely took over the shower.
The shower was a disaster. The arrangements were for 60+. We had a total of 31 guests. This includes the bridal party of 12. The hall was half empty. The guests ate huge meals, took to-go boxes, and there was still more than half the food left.
The bride and groom both say that the MoH and I should not have to pay for the full share because our only involvement was “to bring the chips”.
My question, I guess is a two parter. 1) Should the MoH and I pay equal shares for a party we had no control over? 2) If we decide that our financial contribution will be equal to our allowed involvement, how do we tell the bride’s family?
This may or may not be a factor… The MoH and I are planning and financially footing the bachelorette party…would that be considered a fair trade, giving the fact that we paid for the Shower invites and our share of the hall rental?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 3, 2009, 10:53 AM)
Etiquette Now
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Re: bridesmaids agree to plan shower but family member's took over
[In reply to]
Dear Tracey21,
Thank goodness only 31 guests attended, even if many were attendants. Over 30 is considered large and over 35 is considered inappropriate--greedy.
You are not obligated to contribute to a party you didn't plan or agree to host. The family can read any etiquette book or just approach the issue logically to realize that only those who plan and host pay for the party. It isn't fair to plan a party and expect others to pay for it.
You are not obligated to pay the entire costs of the bachelorette party. The cost is usually shared with the guests, which is one of the only parties in which this is the case. There are exceptions though. Guests do not pay for the venue--the place it is hosted. They usually share in the costs of their meal or their drinks if you go out on the town. They may be asked to share the cost of a limo. But, they do have the choice to decline. Again, all have to agree before they pay.
bridesmaids agree to plan shower but family member's took over
