I am a bridesmaid in my oldest friend's wedding. I am very excited for her; she has wanted this for a very long time.
There are 4 bridesmaids. We were told by the bride that the bridesmaids are supposed to pay for the bridal shower. I said okay (and as I read now, I do see that this is proper etiquette). I just haven't had to do this in other weddings. I asked how much it was going to cost because I do not have a lot of money and I know that SOME of the other girls in the wedding do not have a lot of money. I was told by the maid of honor that the cost of the shower should be between $100 - $125/ person. I agreed to that amount. The girls had several "meetings" to discuss details of the shower and bachelorette party. I attended 2 of the 3 meetings; therefore I missed a lot of the finalizing of details. The cost of the shower came to approximately $150/ per person and it was decided on top of that to add an open bar for 50 people (decided by the maid of honor and apparently the bride, not the other bridesmaids). When I questioned the MOH on this and reminded her that I was told $100 - $125/ person. She told me that this is the very least we can do for our friend; that SHE worked hard on the planning and got a really good deal and things are not cheap, and it is too late to make any changes. Am I right to be offended? I feel that it doesn't matter that I wasn't at the official meetings and I feel like this is outrageous. I don't think that they were very considerate of the other bridesmaids financial situations and I just don't think that anyone has a right to spend other people's money. I think it's very rude. I don't think that getting a good deal, or the fact that our friend deserves this because this is a once in a lifetime thing, excuses their lack of consideration. Now the MOH is making it out to be that I don't have the money and making me feel really bad about this and being very bitchy. She told me I was being petty when I said that I was upset that she went ahead and spent more money than we agreed to pay. The other girls were upset too, but no one wanted to stand up to the MOH or make the bride upset. No one wants to ruin the bride's big day, but isn't there something that I could do or say?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jul 29, 2005, 8:56 AM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jul 29, 2005, 9:06 AM
Post #2 of 3
(1329 views)
Re: [kaine] bridesmiads paying for bridal shower?
[In reply to]
First of all, bridal showers are not mandatory, and no bride should be asking, nevermind telling, her bridesmaids to host this party for her or to have anything to do with the bridal shower planning. It is also not mandatory for the bridesmaids to participate or to pay for the event.
The person who offers to host the shower is the person who pays. If she asks the bridesmiads to help out and the bridesmaids agree, then great. She should have a budget and stick with the budget. She can ask if you can afford more but not demand that you pay more. She offered to host the event so she is the person who is responsible for all costs.
I'm afraid that you will have to remind the maid of honor that you were told originally about the cost and that is the amount you have budgeted. Let her know that is all you can afford to pay but that you are willing to help out in any other way possible. You can find a polite way of telling her that not being able to afford to pay more money for a bridal shower has absolutely nothing to do with your feelings for the bride or your willingness to host a nice bridal shower.
Anyway, I have been a guest at many wonderful showers where all we were served was some tea and cake, but the company was fabulous, so the event was a huge success. Bridal etiquette states that the reason to have a bridal shower, other than showering the bride with gifts, is to get close friends and family members together to make them feel a part of the wedding planning process. Money doesn't always talk... Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
expertplanner
BRIDAL CONSULTANT
Jul 29, 2005, 9:51 AM
Post #3 of 3
(1323 views)
Re: [kaine] bridesmiads paying for bridal shower?
[In reply to]
Dear Kaine:
Our TWQ is right. Showers are by no means mandatory. We too have put together those that have nothing but cake and punch and were wonderful!
Remind the MOH of the original cost and that's all you can contribute, just like TWQ stated. This party is about the Bride anyway, not so others can come and get a free drink and the host can get kudos for putting together a 'happening' party. Sometimes the MOHs mean well when they are assigned this task but they can get a littler carried away. Rhonda Allen, Bridal Consultant New Beginnings Weddings
bridesmiads paying for bridal shower?
