I am the matron-of-honor in one of my best friend's weddings. Several months ago I offered to throw her a bridal shower and she accepted. At the time she was very specific about the kind of shower she wanted, i.e., at a bar with alcohol. Obviously, she had put a lot of thought into the kind of shower she wanted. I thought this was a little odd, but it was, after all, her special day that she had been dreaming of her entire life. My attitude at the time was give her what she wants. Just because it is not something I would choose doesn't mean that it is wrong.
At the beginning of the year I contacted all of her bridesmaids via email about help with the shower and proposed some possible dates. Her Maid-of Honor then emails me back and tells me that the shower is a specific date which happens to be a date that I have to work. I was confused and annoyed to find out the shower was already scheduled with out any input from any of the other bridesmaids including myself - the person who offered to host the shower in the first place. I asked her Maid of Honor to change the shower to the next day which happens to be a Sunday and I also contacted the bride to let he know the date that was decided on between her and the Maid-of-Honor would not work for me. The bride was very insistent that the shower be held on a Saturday to accommodate her out of town guest that might be attending. She also completely changed her mind and now wanted the shower at a church but failed to communicate that to me and made me look completely idiotic in front of her Maid of Honor when I tried to say she wanted the shower at a bar with alcohol.
Am I wrong to be mad at the bride for trying to plan her own shower and having it on a date where I can not even make it when I was the person who offered to host the shower in the first place?? To me she seems very ungrateful. The bride says I was wrong to not consult her on the date of her shower but my idea was to get a couple of dates that worked for all of her bridesmaids and then approach the bride with dates that would work for everyone. She thinks that was rude and insists that she did nothing wrong. I believe that if at anytime the bride did not want me to host a shower for her she should have been the bigger person and declined my offer. Who is right?
Our friendship has suffered tremendously from this. I still want to be her friend but I can't wait until this wedding is over.
Is really helpful to assign blame at this point? You are a member of the bridal party and will have to spend time with the bride. So, it is best to move on. This is such a small incident to ruin a friendship. It sounds more like a lack of communication than anything else.
Typically, if the shower is not a surprise, the host will ask the bride whom she would like to invite. The bride may suggest what kind of shower she would like, but it is the host who ultimately decides because she is paying for it. The bridesmaids may contribute, but are not obligated to do so.
It sounds like you were busy trying to gather all of the bridesmaids to give the bride the expensive shower she wanted while she changed her mind. I don't know why she didn't relay this information to you or why she thinks that you are rude about it, because I was not there at the time. But on the surface and from what you have said here it seems as if you did nothing wrong.
She is probably just a bit overwhelmed. You two are friends so it would be best for you two to have a little one-on-one time with lots of talking.
Remember the old saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff."
bridezilla
