My husband's nephew (his sister's son) is having a destination wedding in the Caribbean this summer for the convenience of the bride's mother only - who lives there. The wedding is at an all-inclusive resort and will cost all family and friends more than $2,000 per couple plus three vacation days to attend. Plus the groom and his mother have requested that my husband sing several songs at the wedding and prepare several karaoke-type CDs for the back up music.
In addition to the destination wedding, the nephew threw himself and his fiancee an engagement party last year. My husband and I live in the next state, however, we graciously attended (spending approximately $50 in gas and tolls) and my husband gave what I consider to be a very generous engagement gift of $150 - even though he was out of work at the time!
My husband's sister (the mother of the groom) and the sister of the groom recently threw a bridal shower for the bride. Since I live in the next state and it would cost me $50 in gas and tolls to get there, and since we already attended the engagement party and are attending the destination wedding this summer, we really could not afford to expend any more money on this couple and I did not attend the bridal shower.
I recently found out that my husband's sister, as well as her daughter, are furious with me for not attending the bridal shower and have been complaining about me to other family members!
I think they are extremely ungrateful for what my husband and I have already done and will be doing this summer and have a lot of nerve to complain at all!
Please advise your thoughts.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Apr 29, 2008, 8:24 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Apr 30, 2008, 3:26 PM
Post #2 of 2
(688 views)
Re: [aggravated] family members didn't attend bridal shower
[In reply to]
Dear Aggravated,
Polite people don't complain about those who don't attend gift giving events, especially the shower.
The biggest problem with this one was the fact that the mother and sister hosted. This put them into the position of monitoring the gifts--never good for a family member. This is another huge reason I am a fan of the gift-less shower. There is no reason for double gift dipping.
Attendance to all of these parties are optional including the wedding. You and your husband agreed to attend the engagement party, which should have been a non-gift giving event, especially since the couple hosted it for themselves. All engagement parties are supposed to be non-gift giving events, but some give anyway.
The shower is an optional party. You had every right to skip it and no one should be chastising you for doing so.
And, now on to the wedding. You are under no obligation to attend, especially since it is a destination wedding. So, the fact that it will cost you and your family to attend, isn't their fault. It is your decision to spend. Just because the couple wishes your husband to sing, doesn't mean that he must.
So, it is your decision. They may talk about you not attending. But, it isn't a faux pas to skip it.
family members didn't attend bridal shower
