future mother-in-law wants to plan the bridal shower
My sister (we'll call her Marie) is having 5 bridemaids in her wedding. Since she has two sisters, she has asked her best friend to be MOH. Both of us had no problem with Marie asking her best friend. Knowing that I wanted to be involved in the shower planning the MOH asked me to coordinate the shower. She's coordinating the Bachelorette party since it is on the same weekend due to out of town people wanting to attend both events. She's not the problem. My sisters future mother in law is out of control!
My sister wants to have a Couple's shower and about 100 people will attend. 3 of the 5 bridesmaids are flying in from out of state as is our mother. Marie's future mother-in-law wants to cater the event. At first glance it is going to cost $2500. We found a location that we could have the shower at for free and we've booked a band which is the favorite of the grooms for a surprise. My sister has asked me to involve her future mother in law in the planning of the event. At first I gave the mother in law the food, she was going to cater it herself with the help of two local bridesmaids. Now just one week ago (the shower is Sept 18th) she says that's too much for her and we need to cater it.
I want to do what my sister wants. I discussed the catering expense with Marie and told her pretty much no one could afford to pay that much to have it catered. I came up with the idea to have three main dishes, plus alcohol, and then invite the guests to bring a dish that is appropriate to the theme of the party. We've decided to do countries of the bride and grooms heritage. I was going to let the guests now in an insert into the bridal shower invitation and participation to bring a dish is optional. My sister agrees with this and likes the idea. So, I called the future mother in law today and told her about the money issues and that we were on a budget and I didn't think catering was an option. The groomsman are taking care of the payment for the band which is about $500 so they will put no money towards food. The future MOH is trying to solicate an aunt who may or may not be coming and our mother for money towards the shower. I told her it was not definate they would chip in anything, I would check. My mother has said no, but only b/c she is giving Marie other money and things for the wedding and she thinks catering is ridiculous.
The mother in law insulted me today. Said that my idea would not work, she thinks it should be catered, do I know how to cook for 100 people, etc etc. On top of that, when I considered the catering idea last week, I told her I needed to have the invitations out this week. She does not have any firm quotes in place yet for catering and the invites need to go out tomorrow. I'm on the west coast and my sister is on the east coast. I can't believe how rude she was to me. Absolutely nasty. This isn't her show. It's the wedding party's responsiblity to throw the shower not the grooms mother. I included her b/c my sister asked me to, but now I want to tell her to concentrate on the rehearsal dinner and butt out. I don't even think her price on catering would include the alcohol and that will be an extra expense on the $500 budget. I feel this lack of alchohol will be sprung on us at the last minute if I let her run with the catering idea and she'll want that on top of the $500 we've budgeted. (We know she can't really afford it either). I see this going out of control and I don't want to involve my sister or future brother in law. What do I do?
Also, how do you appropriately state where they are registered in a shower invite? My sister has said that it is not necessary to give them a gift at the shower, she doesn't want people to think they have to, but if they are going to bring a gift, why not get them something they want? How do I appropriately word that in the invite that it is not necessary to give a gift, but if you do here's where they are registered. My sister also mentioned gift cards to a Home Depot or Lowes but I think this is asking for cash and not appropriate. Any thoughts?
Really Ticked on the West Coast
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 10, 2005, 9:03 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 10, 2005, 5:19 PM
Post #2 of 2
(1059 views)
Re: [Lolo] future mother-in-law wants to plan the bridal shower
[In reply to]
Dear Really Ticked,
A shower should not be this big. This is somewhat like a reception. And, to ask guests to contribute food or beverage is similar to asking them to host the party.
A shower should be a small intimate event with those close to the couple.
If you insist on having a huge party, it should be catered either by all of you or a professional. It will be considered impolite to ask the guests to do the catering.
It is now considered appropriate to list the gift registries on shower invitations. It is not appropriate to ask for gift cards though. She can register for them and her guest will see this on her registry. If your sister would rather not receive gifts, this can be written on this type of invitation also.
My one concern with including the gift registry is that with a party this size it may appear to others that the only reason this many guests are invited is to garner more gifts.
future mother-in-law wants to plan the bridal shower
