At the risk of becoming too wordy, here goes...My fiance and I are getting married in 8 weeks. It will be a small wedding...about 60-65 people...only family and close friends. No bridesmaids...no groomsmen...no maid (matron) of honor or best man. We are also not having a rehearsal dinner as there will be no rehearsal. Friends of ours (a couple) offered to throw us a couples bridal shower...this will be the only shower we have.
The original plan was to have the bridal shower in the town that I moved from (and where the hosts live) about 300 miles from here. However, after looking at how few people on the invitation list actually live close to there, the hosts asked if they could throw us a shower either after the wedding, as a dinner the evening before the wedding, or as a brunch the day of the wedding. They want the bridal shower to have good attendance because they want it to be fun for us. I like the idea of doing it the day before the wedding (out of those options) because everyone would already be in town for the wedding and we could have a good turn out and also give people a chance to mingle and visit.
I just don't believe that most of our friends/family would make two long distance trips...one for the shower and one for the wedding. People who are coming to the wedding will be coming from all across the state and some from out of state. What's proper in this situation? Is it considered rude to have the shower immediately before the wedding?
Thank you!!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 11, 2005, 11:01 AM
Post #2 of 4
(878 views)
Re: [txbride] having a shower right before the wedding?
[In reply to]
Dear Showered,
Showers should be hosted at least two weeks before the wedding. This is viewed most positively. An out of town bride may have a shower a few days before the wedding, but it still isn't the best. Yours may be viewed by your guests as a method to receive two gifts from each person.
Sometimes a shower is appropriate after a wedding. This is when the bride and groom live in another town and this is the only way to get everyone together for a shower. But, then again, many view this as another way to garner more gifts. This isn't viewed as a way for everyone to feel included in the wedding planning.
A shower is an optional party. Perhaps in this case it is not the best idea to host one.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] having a shower right before the wedding?
[In reply to]
I wondered if maybe that wouldn't be viewed as greedy to have the shower right before the wedding. After talking with our friends, here's the solution the hostess came up with. We are not going to have a shower at all. Instead, she will host a party (call it a wedding celebration or engagement party or what have you) and all will be invited...both on the wedding invitation list and the announcement list. Where we are registered will not be listed, but if someone calls her to ask, then she knows and can provide them with that information.
Does this sound like a better and more proper way to go about this? And if it's called an engagement party, is it ok for people to bring gifts if they want to?
Thank you for your help!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 12, 2005, 10:39 AM
Post #4 of 4
(851 views)
Re: [txbride] having a shower right before the wedding?
[In reply to]
Dear txbride,
I wouldn't call it an engagement party. It is much too late for that. Plus, engagement parties are supposed to be non-gift giving events. Some do give though.
Inviting those on the announcement list is also not a good idea. This is directly before or after the wedding. It may seem to those not invited to the wedding as if they were not good enough to be invited to the main event.
Calling it a wedding celebration also may create confusion. A wedding celebration is a reception.
The only thing I can think of to make this proper is to have a bunch before or after the wedding with any of those invited who wish to attend. This could also be a tea. This type of party is often just a way to wind down from the wedding or to calm the nerves directly before. But these are not viewed as gift giving situations. If guests ask, they can be told. But, gifts are not typically involved.
having a shower right before the wedding?
