mother of the bride having abridal shower for bride
My mother& sister are throwing a bridal shower for me. I have read many of your posts, and I think I understand why family members shouldn't have them. I'm 35 and have lived with my fiancee for 4yrs. He was my high school sweet heart. My mom wanted to throw an engagement party for us, but I didn't want it. She was absolutely ticked -off. I have everything I need. I'm almost embarrased to receive gifts, but she's throwing the party anyway. I'm not registered any where but she insisted I go to a local interior gift shop and kind of register there. To make her happy, I did. I found some nice things, but I still don't want anything I especially do not want lingerie. Any gift I receive will be graciously accepted but I don't want her telling her friends and my friends gifts that she thinks that I want. She's turned my whole wedding into her wedding day all over again. I'm so bitter and disgusted I just can't wait for this wedding to be over . What do I do?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Sep 19, 2004, 7:18 PM
Post #2 of 4
(2168 views)
Re: [dwbride] mother of the bride having abridal shower for bride
[In reply to]
Yes, you're correct that family members are not supposed to host the bridal shower but it looks like it's too late to address that issue. Now, if possible, try to put yourself in your mom's place. She raised you and I am sure has always looked forward to the day when she would give you the wedding of your dreams (as a mother myself I know I am looking forward to that day!). These parties are the things most mothers look forward to and they are just as much a time for your parents to celebrate your life as they are for you to celebrate finding love and a new married life. Examine the reasons why you don't want your mom to give you these traditional parties and then choose your battles! If your mom insists on throwing the shower, go, grin and bear it. You may even find you will enjoy celebrating in this way with your family. So, you'll get a few unwanted gifts and as you said you will accept them graciously but... if they are gifts you don't want or need just return them! Your relationship with your mother is more important, isn't it? I understand that it is YOUR wedding but try, as much as possible, to allow your mother to do just a bit of the planning and I think you will see that she will be happier and so will you. In 10 years from now none of this planning garbage (gifts, seating, chiken or fish?) will be remembered but if there are bad feeling those are sure to be remembered.
Relax and Enjoy! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 19, 2004, 7:21 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 20, 2004, 11:38 AM
Post #3 of 4
(2154 views)
Re: [dwbride] mother of the bride having abridal shower for bride
[In reply to]
Dear Digusted,
I understand your frustrations and I am sorry that your mother won't let it go. At this point I have to agree with the Wedding Queen. It has gone too far to fight the current and try to swim upstream. Your mother has good intentions and is probably just doen't want you to 'miss' any of the pre-wedding activities.
My daughter is getting married soon too and does not want the parties either. No engagement party to plan. I am having a difficult time because I really want her to 'have it all'. But...sigh... I'll just be here when she needs me.
Re: [dwbride] mother of the bride having abridal shower for bride
[In reply to]
Dear DWBride,
Hang in there! Weddings are both happy and stressful. You can survive this. While immediate family can host engagement parties, they should not host showers. If the invitations have already gone out, there is nothing you can do. If the invitations have not gone out, see if you can at least have a family friend or aunt act as host for the bridal shower.
I do recommend that you sit down, when you are both calm, and ask your mother why this shower is so important to her. It could be that she never had a shower and does not want you to feel the same way. It could be that she has sat though a zillion showers for friends' daughters and purchased a zillion gifts and now feels it is your turn to receive gifts. Listen, really listen to her. Once you know, think about it for a day or two. Then decide if you want the shower or not.
Please do register. if you already have everything you need, register for things you may want. Here is your chance to have wedding china (I use mine more than I ever thought I would!), silver or update kitchen goodies. If you still feel you have everything you need, please register at a store like Target. Pick lots of household items. Then, after the shower, WITHOUT your mother or your guests' knowledge, donate the items to charity (a homeless shelter, home for battered women, or Habitat for Humanity).
mother of the bride having abridal shower for bride
My mother& sister are throwing a bridal shower for me. I have read many of your posts, and I think I understand why family members shouldn't have them. I'm 35 and have lived with my fiancee for 4yrs. He was my high school sweet heart. My mom wanted to throw an engagement party for us, but I didn't want it. She was absolutely ticked -off. I have everything I need. I'm almost embarrased to receive gifts, but she's throwing the party anyway. I'm not registered any where but she insisted I go to a local interior gift shop and kind of register there. To make her happy, I did. I found some nice things, but I still don't want anything I especially do not want lingerie. Any gift I receive will be graciously accepted but I don't want her telling her friends and my friends gifts that she thinks that I want. She's turned my whole wedding into her wedding day all over again. I'm so bitter and disgusted I just can't wait for this wedding to be over . What do I do? 
