My aunts (mother of flower girls and a bridesmaid living overseas) would like to throw me a bridal shower. My last brides maid from my grooms family likes this idea and would like to help. However there are very different points of view. My aunts want an intimate shower - immediate family and close friends only. Groom and MOG want to invite his whole familys female relatives, extended family, friends, basically everyone coming to wedding.(this is normal at weddings in their family) Now both are mad at me as I try to mediate between the two groups. No one in grooms family has offered to throw a separate shower. My aunts have space and budget issues that prevent a gathering of 70+. This does not even include my friends..... what should I do and who should solve this? How do you solve this? My last bridesmaid is liable to get caught in the crossfire too...
A bridal shower should be an intimate affair where the bride gets to chat with each guest. That is impossible to do properly if the guest list is over 20 people.
The shower hostess (or hostesses) is not required to invite every female to the shower who has been invited to the wedding. Since showers are traditionally thrown by the maid of honor and/or the bridesmaids (usually friends and relatives of the bride) it is natural that the bride's friends and family usually make up the majority of the shower guests. Apart from traditionally inviting the groom's mother and sisters, the hostess is not at all obligated to invite anyone from the groom's side. (I would note here that any bridesmaid from the groom's side should also be invited, whether she is hosting or not.)
The hostess (or hostesses) throwing a shower gets to decide how many to invite - it is her party and she decides on the location and her funding limits. The hostess is supposed to come up with a set number of guests that she can accommodate, plus a suggested guest list. Your responsibility is only to look over the list and suggest additions or deletions - within the set number of guests given to you.
There is no need for you to mediate between groups - you are a guest - of course the Guest of Honor.
If the groom's family have a different tradition, then it is up to the groom's family to host an additional shower.
I would just tell the groom that your aunts are throwing a traditional small shower based on their budget and their traditions and that it is not your place to tell them how to do it.
thanks for the info - thats what I had thought - but my groom was so adamant, I was beginning to have doubts - I'll share this with him. -And I will just be a gracious guest - instead of getting involved.
Just so you know your not alone - My sister, maid of honor, is hosting a bridal shower for me.
My mother invited two of her friends - although they know me almost since I was born - and we are inviting maybe 6 female relatives - not all who can make it - and i Have invited 7 friends - also not all who can make it- and the bridesmaids who include my friends, and my groom's sister and sister in law and the MOG - the MOG called to RSVP but did not RSVP simply said "I have 11 people I am inviting to the Shower" 3-4 of them are relatives but the rest are friends and neighbors. When confronted with the fact that this was for close friends and family, She stated that she wants "payback" for all the showers she attended --Sheesh!
I don't think that my sister stuck to her guns so I think my shower is going to be filled with people I don't know and out of my age or generation so I will feel uncomfortable opening the gifts.
I found that throughout the wedding planning process that I have been having disagreements with people who say the wedding is about the bride but are trying to make it about them.
This bride just wants to get together with important people in her life and form bonds with future important people in her life and does not care if she does not get one gift at the shower or the wedding - apparently that concept is a little out of style today.
Oh well -
Just remember you are not alone and thank you all for sharing and offering great solutions to our bridal problems!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 26, 2005, 10:21 AM)
who to invite
