My MIL to-be has planned a shower for me for the groom's side only at their country club (my mother is giving me a shower for my side). My fiance's parents were invited to our tasting dinner for the reception menu as a courtesy...they have no decision making authority in our wedding. They did not offer any money nor did we ask for any. My parents are paying for everything. My future MIL, having been at the tasting dinner is completely aware of the dinner menu for the reception yet decided to choose the same lunch menu options for my bridal shower. The tasting dinner was almost 2 months before she planned the shower. My parents and I believe it was in poor taste for her to choose the same meal options for the shower as we had chosen for the wedding reception. My finance (her son) agrees. What is your opinion?
Thanks!
(This post was
edited by mrssmith on Feb 19, 2008, 2:38 PM)
Weddings by Shayna
VA WEDDING CONSULTANT
Feb 19, 2008, 2:50 PM
Post #2 of 7
(1574 views)
Re: [mrssmith] Same food on shower menu as the wedding menu
[In reply to]
Is the groom's side shower being held at the same venue as the wedding reception? If so, it would certainly warrant a polite request to your future m-i-l to alter the menu. If not, and the menu options are just similar in nature, you really don't have much to argue. A party is being thrown in your honor - it is not yours to micromanage.
On a different note, parents really shouldn't be throwing bridal parties anyway - the appearance is that the showers are a way to beg for gifts. That is a role best left for attendants or friends. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
mrssmith
Feb 19, 2008, 2:59 PM
Post #3 of 7
(1572 views)
Re: [Weddings by Shayna] Same food on shower menu as the wedding menu
[In reply to]
Thanks- the shower and the reception are not at the same location but the reception menu was chosen based on the location of the wedding and what the area is known for (live in Philadelphia but wedding is in MD....crab cakes). Shower is in Philadelphia. No need, in my opinion to serve the same thing.
Our bridal party is made up of all 10 of our nieces and nephews (ages 15-3), so no one would expect them to host a shower. Our mothers and mothers of the children (our sisters) are hosting the showers. No matter who gives a shower, it's the purpose to receive gifts? The exact reason why, although I appreciate it, I would be just has happy without either one of them! Also why I hated registering...it is basically telling people what they should buy for you!
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Feb 19, 2008, 3:09 PM
Post #4 of 7
(1567 views)
Re: [mrssmith] Same food on shower menu as the wedding menu
[In reply to]
Registering for gifts isn't a way of telling your guests what to buy. It's giving them a list of suggestions if they need them.
Bridal showers are really optional events so, if there aren't any attendants or friends who step up to host then there should probably be no shower. Your problems are just a small example of why family members shouldn't host (yet another) gift giving event. Of course, the shower is already planned so there's not much that can be done.
If your groom has issue with his mom it's probably best to let him speak with her directly. (It's possible that his mom really thinks she is making a good selection by keeping with your wedding theme). Remember to always pick your battles. Make sure this is an issue that is important enough for you to possibly make waves. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Feb 19, 2008, 3:10 PM)
mrssmith
Feb 19, 2008, 3:12 PM
Post #5 of 7
(1564 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Same food on shower menu as the wedding menu
[In reply to]
well no matter who gives the shower-- IT IS A GIFT GIVING EVENT! And I don't recall asking if I should be given one or not
Signing off-- for good!
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Feb 19, 2008, 3:18 PM
Post #6 of 7
(1560 views)
Re: [mrssmith] Same food on shower menu as the wedding menu
[In reply to]
You may not have asked, but, it is our job to point out the etiquette blunders. Not so much for your benefit, although it's obvious that the world does revolve around you , but for the many brides who come to our forum and do care about etiquette and other people's feelings. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Feb 19, 2008, 3:40 PM
Post #7 of 7
(1559 views)
Re: [mrssmith] Same food on shower menu as the wedding menu
[In reply to]
I must agree with all advice given--great advice offered to help others avoid embarrassment. Bravo.
Also, the shower is not all about gift giving and receiving, yet, more gifts. In fact, quite a few guests consider the traditional gifting shower as a ploy to receive two wedding gifts. Personally, I hear about this every single day. And because of this, many brides are requesting that their shower hosts consider the gift-less shower. It is fairer to guests and in step with our modern brides.
The focus of both types of showers is creating excitement about the upcoming wedding and spending time with those with whom we are close, not only about gifts. Focusing on gifts is somewhat shallow, is it not?
Serving the same type of food for the shower as for the reception is not a problem and not a breach of etiquette. Mothers hosting is. Hosting large showers is. And, expecting expensive gifts is. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Same food on shower menu as the wedding menu
