My fiance and I are to be married this September. We're just two months away from the big day.
Our wedding is like this - getting married in N.Falls mind month with a few family and friends present (50) and then a HUGE reception a couple weeks later in his hometown.
Invitations have been sent out. A few RSVPs have been sent to us.
This past weekend my parents (who have insisted on paying for everything) announced that they no longer will pay for the reception at the end of the month because it is being attended mainly by my fiance's family (his family has not contributed a dime). They feel they've paid for enough. So invites to the reception have been sent out...Mom wants to just call these people and say come to N.Falls instead.
My fiance and I had a few people on his side of the fam who were invited to the reception only (his family is huge so he cut out cousins to N.Falls). If we cancel the reception it seems only fair to extend an invite to them. There are 10 and we know only 3 would probably come.
At first my parents agreed....but that has since changed.
My parents have decided that NONE of my fiance's family who was invited to reception only can be extended an invite to N.Falls. As well they're backing out of the free bar we had agreed to be offered in N.Falls. My father is also wanting to downgrade on the catering (we're not offering a meal, only dessert buffet and we have the cheapest pkg available).
My fiance is furious with his family (for not helping us out fiancially) and mad at my parents, I'm angry with my parents, my parents are mad at his parents, etc. Not to mention an ongoing feud amongst the bridal party, etc.
My question is this - is it too late for the fiance and I to call EVERYTHING off and just go away to get married?
If so, how can we go about letting people know? The ceremony/reception would be cancelled but not the marriage itself. We're just wanting to get away from the craziness and have a joyful day.
Advice?
Edited to add:
My parents promised us $10,000 back when we got engaged IF we stayed in Ontario
I'm in total agreement to the bar situation - I feel it's only fair to offer a free bar to these guests. It's my father who is feels this isn't necessary.
My fiance and I CANNOT afford to put this affair on as it's planned. He has just found out his company is closing.
(This post was
edited by holliff on Jul 18, 2007, 12:39 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 18, 2007, 11:57 AM
Post #2 of 2
(611 views)
Re: [holliff] Canceling tradition to runaway
[In reply to]
Dear Holliff,
At this point, and to be fair to your guests who seemed to have been forgotten, it may be best to host the wedding you two can afford. It is not fair to guests to be invited to an affair for which they must pay to attend (travel and lodging) and then expect them to pay for their alcohol. Of course if the event is held mid-morning or around 2pm, a dessert reception seems fine. It is just such a little thing to offer those who have traveled though.
There really should have been a maximum dollar amount attached to the gift your parents were giving you for your wedding. Then this might not have been a problem. Just because more of your fiance's family is attending than yours shouldn't have become part of the equation.
Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children's weddings. So, it really isn't helpful to be angry with either set of parents for not paying up.
If you decide to elope, you shouldn't have any pre-wedding parties hosted for you, as only those invited to the wedding may be invited. If you have received shower gifts, you would be expected to return them.
Canceling tradition to runaway
