Change from traditional wedding to destination wedding
I have some unusual circumstances. My daughter and I were planning a traditional local wedding with dinner and dance. I am divorced from her father and said I would make her wedding dress and withdraw $5,000 from my retirement account for the wedding. Her father said he would give her $6,000 to use as she wishes, either for a formal wedding, destination wedding or downpayment on a house. My daughter's fiance refused to marry in the church so my daughter decided it would be less stressful, less expensive and more fun to have a destination wedding. That changed things for me so I decided I would make her dress and not withdraw money from my retirement fund. I thought with the money from her dad it would be enough to cover the expense of the wedding. It was probably not the smartest thing for me to withdraw money from my retirement account in the first place but it was important to me for my only daughter to have a big wedding. I had been looking forward to this since she was born and was extremely disappointed when she changed her mind. Only a few of my family and two of my friends will be attending. My daughter is 28, her fiance is 29. They just bought a house together. He is in grad school but works as a waiter in a high end restaurant. My daughter is a lobbyist with a master's degree. I do not have a lot of money and now it will cost me a minimum of $1,000 to attend their wedding. My question is: Am I wrong to not go through with giving her the $5,000 I initially offered?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 11, 2007, 12:56 PM
Post #2 of 2
(609 views)
Re: [cjbiron52] Change from traditional wedding to destination wedding
[In reply to]
Dear CJ,
No, it is not wrong. You offered under different circumstances. And, it wasn't a great idea to touch your retirement account. You would have less than half of that after taxes. Plus, it puts your retirement date out a bit farther.
Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children's weddings. They are living well on their own and really should be paying for the entire event. You are being very generous by making her dress. This saves them quite a bit.
Change from traditional wedding to destination wedding
I have some unusual circumstances. My daughter and I were planning a traditional local wedding with dinner and dance. I am divorced from her father and said I would make her wedding dress and withdraw $5,000 from my retirement account for the wedding. Her father said he would give her $6,000 to use as she wishes, either for a formal wedding, destination wedding or downpayment on a house. My daughter's fiance refused to marry in the church so my daughter decided it would be less stressful, less expensive and more fun to have a destination wedding. That changed things for me so I decided I would make her dress and not withdraw money from my retirement fund. I thought with the money from her dad it would be enough to cover the expense of the wedding. It was probably not the smartest thing for me to withdraw money from my retirement account in the first place but it was important to me for my only daughter to have a big wedding. I had been looking forward to this since she was born and was extremely disappointed when she changed her mind. Only a few of my family and two of my friends will be attending. My daughter is 28, her fiance is 29. They just bought a house together. He is in grad school but works as a waiter in a high end restaurant. My daughter is a lobbyist with a master's degree. I do not have a lot of money and now it will cost me a minimum of $1,000 to attend their wedding. My question is: Am I wrong to not go through with giving her the $5,000 I initially offered? 
