I searched a bit but did not see a question with this particular situation.
My fiance and I are in the beginning stages of planning a destination wedding to New Orleans. We want to iron out the logistics before finalizing anything.
For one thing, he has an extremely large family that usually invites EVERYONE to these kinds of events. I have 2 people to invite - my mother and stepfather. We decided on a destination wedding in order to keep the numbers and costs down. We're thinking of having a group of around 15-20. His parents and siblings, my parents, and then several very close mutual friends. We're not planning on having attendants.
We're trying to be cost conscious and so far it looks like flights and lodging would cost around $690 per person.
The ceremony is likely going to be an evening one, and it will be Voodoo-themed. The company hosting the event has an 18+ age rule for ceremonies...which is more than fine with us as we didn't want children at our ceremony. Not only that but we're planning the rehearsal dinner to be a haunted pub crawl, and the "reception" to be a special haunted city tour for the us all. These aren't really appropriate for kids at all either! LOL
That being said, his sister has 3 kids, and his brother has 1. We don't want them to feel that they can't come because they can't bring their kids to the events, or if they can't find arrangements to leave the children with relatives while they attend our wedding. (We are planning on drawing up some ideas for them to do with the kids on their own time, to at least show that the destination can be fun for kids so that if they brought them they could still do things in the city with thier children as a mini vacation- like the Zoo, etc.)
Now, neither his sister nor brother would want to allow their kids to be watched by a babysitting service in a strange place, and I honestly don't blame them. So we're trying to think of some other way to arrange childcare. There is one aunt that they stay with more often than any others, and we thought about paying for her trip to be the babysitter during the wedding events. We're unsure about the ettiquette about this though.
For one, she wouldn't be able to participate in the wedding events, as she'd be stuck with the kids. Secondly, we're unsure if this will potentially cause political problems among other aunts/uncles.
Is this a viable solution, or do we just need to come to terms with the fact that this may be a deal-breaker as far as his sister and brother are concerned.
Thanks!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 11, 2008, 3:56 PM
Post #2 of 4
(225 views)
Re: Childcare Arrangements for Destination Wedding
[In reply to]
Dear JujuBride,
It really wouldn't be polite or fair for the aunt. An older teen member of the family would probably be a better choice, as the teen just may consider this a great escape--baby sitting for the fee of a trip. That's a great "haul" for a teen. But, an older family member may view this as an insult--good enough to baby sit, but not good enough to be invited to the wedding.
Of course, you really don't need to provide baby sitting for a destination wedding. It is always nice, but it seems very difficult in your situation.
A rehearsal dinner really is not necessary since you don't have any attendants. If your other family members are involved in the wedding, then you may want one.
Re: Childcare Arrangements for Destination Wedding
[In reply to]
Thanks for the advice.
There aren't any teens in the family, unfortunately. Just those 4 kids aged 4-9.
So perhaps we'll just leave it to his brother and sister to decide what to do with their kids should they bring them. We'll just make sure to make it clear that the wedding events are not at all child-appropriate.
Thanks again.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Sep 11, 2008, 5:45 PM
Post #4 of 4
(217 views)
Re: Childcare Arrangements for Destination Wedding
[In reply to]
Perhaps the in-laws could care for the kids and give the parents a break with an adult vacation. Great for kids and grandparents too. My dad used to say, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"! A vacation for the parents will make mama very happy, I'm sure.
Don't forget that you won't mention "adults only" or "no children" on the invitations. Speak to the parents directly.
Have a wonderful trip. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Childcare Arrangements for Destination Wedding
A vacation for the parents will make mama very happy, I'm sure. 
