Clarification about gifts for pre-wedding event at destination wedding
Dear TWQ Experts:
I am very impressed with your site and think that you provide a wonderful and much needed service for couples, families and wedding guests.
My husband and I have been invited to a destination wedding in May. We have also been invited to two pre-wedding events. One is a bachelor/bachelorette party taking place two days before the wedding and the other is a party taking place the day before the wedding. To attend both of these pre-wedding events, guests have been told that they will need to pay for their own entertainment, food and drink.
I have read several of the site’s prior posts on pre-wedding parties and my understanding is that it it is not a breach of etiquette to show up without a gift for the bachelorette/bachelor party. However, it is unclear to me whether the party on the day before the wedding is a gift-giving event because the event is open to all guests invited to the wedding and reception. My thinking is that not bringing a gift is not improper as we would be paying to attend. Is this correct?
Thank you in advance for your advice on this matter. Sincerely,
Balt47
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Apr 3, 2009, 8:40 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #2 of 5
(848 views)
Re: Clarification about gifts for pre-wedding event at destination wedding
[In reply to]
Dear Balt47,
The bachelor/bachelorette party is the only party in which guests pay, basically it is because the guests are taking the bride out--and it isn't a gift giving event. But, for all other prewedding parties the guests should never have to open their wallets. It is very impolite to expect guests to pay for themselves. And the fact that this is also a destination wedding where all guests are incurring added travel related costs just adds to the insult.
This shouldn't be considered a gift giving event. Hopefully you won't also be expected to pay a fee to attend the wedding.
Re: Clarification about gifts for pre-wedding event at destination wedding
[In reply to]
Dear Ms. Black:
Thank you for distinguishing the payment etiquette regarding bachelor/bachelorette parties from that for prewedding parties. Knowing that guests should not be expected to pay for prewedding parties makes me feel confident in not bringing a gift to the event. Additionally, I am now comfortable with my husband's suggestion that we merely offset the cost incurred from attending the prewedding event against the amount we had originally intended to spend on a gift.
I recognize that maintaining a reasonable wedding budget is one of the reasons a couple chooses to have a destination wedding. In this situation, I believe that the couple was trying to balance their desire to provide an activity-filled weekend (in a locale which may be unfamiliar to many of their guests, Cabo San Lucas) but stay within their budget.
I do not mean this to be a slight on the current etiquette books on the market, but I hope that you and the other experts at TWQ will consider publishing a book compiling the comprehensive information you have provided on your website. I believe that such a resource would be very beneficial to many.
Once again, thank you.
Sincerely, Balt47
(This post was
edited by balt47 on Apr 4, 2009, 1:08 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #4 of 5
(819 views)
Re: Clarification about gifts for pre-wedding event at destination wedding
[In reply to]
Dear Balt47,
How very sweet of you! Thank you! That is the very best compliment I have ever received. I'm sure the Wedding Queen is very happy as well. You have made my day.
Re: Clarification about gifts for pre-wedding event at destination wedding
[In reply to]
Thanks for the appreciation.
Not sure if we have the time for writing a book AND answering online questions, but it could be something we'd consider in the future. In this ever-changing world, however, it's nice to be able to go to the internet and get the most timely advice. Just be careful about what you read online, who is offering the advice and consider what it in it for them. Since we aren't selling our services, we usually just "give it to ya straight up"!
Have a safe trip and a wonderful, long married life. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Clarification about gifts for pre-wedding event at destination wedding
