We are having a destination wedding in Hawaii. No one can decide what to do about sending invitations. We would like any family members to come who can afford to come out. We were discussing the wedding as a family and everyone has opposing ideas about how to handle invitations.
My future mom-in-law doesn’t want to send invitations and just tell everyone they are invited. Since word of mouth doesn’t seem very formal, I’d feel bad if people were going to come but won’t because they didn’t get “officially” invited.
Someone else suggested that I only give invitations to those who for sure will attend. How do you know who can for sure attend? Also, I’m worried that people will get offended if someone gets an invite but their sister doesn’t etc.
My mom wants to send out wedding announcements, but that’s a bad idea because those don’t even get sent out till after the wedding. And to me, a wedding announcement usually suggest, “you’re not invited.”
I really wanted to send out invitations to see who can actually come but I don’t want to seem greedy either (we actually don’t even want presents). What should I do? What should I tell my moms?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Sep 25, 2008, 12:49 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 25, 2008, 2:12 PM
Post #2 of 2
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Re: Destination Invites: To send or not to send?
[In reply to]
Dear Beckev,
Thank you for not focusing on gifts. It is refreshing.
You are correct that announcements are sent after the wedding to those not invited to the wedding or reception.
It is common to send save the dates to all you wish to attend. Even though these do not include an RSVP many do respond for the destination wedding, especially if you include the name of someone they can contact for travel arrangements.
Invitations are sent eight weeks before the wedding to all who receive save the dates even if they have said they cannot attend. If not using save the dates, send invitations to all you want to attend and allow them to decide if they can.
Verbal invitations are fine for the very informal wedding, but it is difficult to keep track of who is invited and who is not. Plus, there is no paper trail.
Please remember that anyone who is invited is now your guest. It is best to provide something for this person if he or she attends. The usual "something" is a reception, but can be anything that is thoughtful.
Destination Invites: To send or not to send?
