We are having our wedding in Hawaii. Fortunately, we are lucky enough to pay for everything ourselves. Not many people are coming, maybe like 12.
With that, I planned an expensive dinner cruise for the Wedding Reception ($200 a head adult/$175 kids). My finance's brother is now toying with the idea of bringing his 3 kids - ages 3, 4 and 6. We are already paying for him and his wife for airline tickets - which I don't have problem with - he is the best man and would do the same for us if they were more financial stable and didn't have the kids.
Should we suck up and deal with the fact the kids are coming or politely state it is not in our budget to pay for the kids? If we do say it isn't in the budget for kids, his parents will pay for the 3 of them and feel like the heroes - which I don't want either.
Suggestions other than paying almost $1000 for this family to attend my reception?
No, you should not pay for the children. You decide who is invited to your wedding and reception, not anyone else.
Typically, guests are responsible for their transportation and lodging for a destination wedding. Although, it is a nice gesture to offer them something special once they arrive. You are going above and beyond. So, please do not feel pressured to pay more.
Thanks for your reply - I thought this was a little much to pay for. Next question, how do I tell them that we can't afford the kids? I thought to flat out, but nicely show them the brochure of the ship and what we are doing for the reception - all nice like look at this, then tell them it is really expensive for the reception and unfortunately, we didn't plan on having the kids coming, just the both of you.
I thought if my fiance's mother wants to pay for the kids, let her - My fiance thinks his mom will talk him out of bringing them all together.
But how do I tell them we can't pay for the kids at the reception?
Your idea of showing him the broucure is good. But, you really don't need to tell him that you can't afford to pay for the children. It is as if you are taking on the responsibility for them, like it is your fault that they can't participate. There is no 'fault' here.
You could just let him know that there is limited seating available, or that you have only planned on a certain number of guests. Of course, letting him know how much each seat cost is important too. He probably has no idea. I think once he realizes how much this costs, he will change his mind. Hopefully.
Good luck! It sounds like a beautiful event. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Dear Hawaiian Bride, Having children attend a wedding changes the dynamic of the wedding. And to have children attend a destination wedding is a big change of dynamics. It would be one thing to have children at a Disney destination wedding, but Hawaii is really an adult vacation location. If you want the kids there, then I suggest you spring the extra money have the children attend. However, if you prefer the children not come, then leave the money issue aside and call the parents to explain that while you adore their children, you really have planned and envisioned your wedding to be an adult only affair. Jodi R R Smith
Destination Wedding - Reception and Kids
