My fiance and I are having a very far away destination "event" wedding, the hotel has limited rooms (10) and it's very expensive, we have decided to pay the way for everyone we can invite (plane, hotel, meals, drinks, everything), but since there are only 10 rooms, many non-immediate family members (aunt, uncles, cousins) won't be able to go, and there are already hurt feelings about the whole thing. We said we would hold a reception/dinner when we got back for those who couldn't make it. Are we really obligated to invite the entire family as my mother says? How do we tell the aunt and uncles that some of them are invited yet others are not? My mother says cancel the whole thing and hold a local event here at a downtown hotel so everyone can attend, but that's not we want, we have our dream wedding planned and it's our first for both, she says we are being cruel and thoughtless for doing this. Any thoughts?
(This post was
edited by DarylFGates on Apr 28, 2007, 3:45 AM)
I think you must have mis-read because I am sure that I have never seen any answers from Rebecca stating anything other than paying for the bridal party's lodging is expected. If you have a link to the page where you saw this information please send it.
In any event, you are not obligated to invite anyone - invite those you want to have there to share the ceremony. Having a reception when you return is a good idea and playing a video tape of the ceremony is a good way to include those who couldn't travel to the destination. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Apr 28, 2007, 9:22 AM)
Thank you for the reply, I had amended my question as I had found the information regarding what attending members were to be comped for lodging etc, not sure how that question remained after I changed it.
How do I tell certain family member they aren't going when others are? How do I say to one set of Uncles and Aunts that they won't be invited yet another set of Uncles and Aunts will? We thought we were doing people a favor by spending almost six figures to take care of everyone in our wedding but now people are complaining that not everyone was invited and it's created a huge family riff. We are told to cancel the event and hold a local wedding at a hotel here in town, but we dont' want that. This is no fun anymore
As long as you are hosting, you should be able to plan the wedding you want. While keeping family peace is always a wonderful thing, we are usually closer to some family than others and those should be the ones we invite, especially when on a budget. If it were me, I wouldn't explain. If someone asks, which they shouldn't (it's not polite), then you can inform them that you are on a budget and leave it at that.
Your mother may feel that weddings are still as they were 20 years ago where she would be in control. This is not the case now, as you are well aware since you are paying. So to help her understand that you are not cruel and heartless, perhaps you could suggest she reads our many posts or an etiquette book. Destination weddings are common place these days and we often cannot invite all family members.
For the reception, which is a great idea, all who were invited to your wedding must be invited. Of course, those who were not, may also be invited.
Destination Wedding Guest List Hurt Feelings
