Parents want us to renew vows at post destination wedding reception
My fiancé and I are getting married in Fiji this September in a very small and intimate wedding, only about 20 people.
Both sets of parents want to host a post wedding reception, (and this will be a formal reception), and his mother wants to do her own thing and make us renew our vows. This is driving me crazy, as I feel its unnecessary since we will be MARRIED in Fiji. If people feel they are missing out, then the wedding video will be available. I've explained this to my mother, and she is fine with it. But with his parents, its a different story.
I understand that for his Grandparents, to see it in person would be nice, but its becoming such a huge deal now (hiring venues, tenants etc), and the purpose of us getting married in Fiji was to keep it small and personal. What make this a pain is that my fiance was against us renewing our vows in the beginning and his mother has talked him into it!
I feel like we're just doing this for our families and not for us. The reason for the destination wedding is that we DO NOT want the traditional ‘big deal’ of a wedding and we want it SMALL.
Any advice, direction or clarification would be great!
Seriously, renewing our vows again is crazy – what’s the point of the wedding then and why cant they be satisfied with a video of the wedding?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Dec 28, 2007, 9:01 AM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Dec 28, 2007, 9:11 AM
Post #2 of 3
(1492 views)
Re: [lambchops] Parents want us to renew vows at post destination wedding reception
[In reply to]
Your parents cannot force you to renew your vows, but, you and your groom should agree first. Explain your feelings and desires to your parents as a couple. Tell them that you don't want to renew your vows. That should be enough for them. If not, then explain that a vow renewal is not a do-over ceremony for parents. It is a ceremony typically performed at significant anniversaries or after a particular event in a couple's marriage. It could be viewed negatively by your guests. Get your man on board with this line of thinking. If there is anyone who absolutely does not want to miss the actual exchange of vows then they'll need to make the trip or the two of you should consider getting married locally. But, even then, you cannot guarantee that every guest can attend.
Tell your parents that you really appreciate them hosting a reception for you but that you would prefer not to renew your vows. If they refuse then you can decline the offer to host the reception and perhaps you and your groom can plan your own post destination wedding reception. That way you will be in chanrge of the events. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Dec 28, 2007, 1:47 PM
Post #3 of 3
(1477 views)
Re: [lambchops] Parents want us to renew vows at post destination wedding reception
[In reply to]
Agreed. And, perhaps you could talk to your fiance about the appropriateness of the vow renewal, stating that he and his parents may want to read about how others view this and what it really is supposed to be. Perhaps this will take the pressure off of you to 'prove' that hosting a vow renewal at this time can be viewed as plain silly.
I also agree that you can and should be in control here. If you are grown enough to be married, you should be allowed to make your own decisions. This could be part of your argument with your fiance and his parents. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Parents want us to renew vows at post destination wedding reception
