My wedding is my fiance's and my town, but 80% of the guests are from out of town, so it has many characteristics of a destination wedding.
I have offered to pay for my bridesmaid's accomodations - most have said "oh that's not necessary" and/or ignored the offer - (no one has stepped up and said "thank you"). I posted this a couple of months ago, and Rebecca wisely said "you offered, they refused." After thinking it through, however, I feel that they may have just been trying to be polite, and since I know their hotels, I had planned to just call in advance and request that one night be billed to me (they are staying from 1 - 6 nights). [Later, I told my parents of this plan, and they generously insisted on covering this expense; groomsmen are staying with the groom].
Three additional contributors to the wedding are also flying in: our officiant (a senior colleague/friend of mine) and two very talented musician friends. All would have attended as guests, but all are putting in effort to officiate/play. My parents want to pay for these accomodations as well.
I asked the officiant where he was staying since we would like to cover the room. He said "No need, we have already pre-paid." (through a hotel booking website). I sent a follow-up email, which he gently ignored. I know that of the musicians - two different couples - at least one has also pre-paid. And, as with the bridal party and the officiant, I am 100% sure that the musicians will also rebuff payment.
I feel in an awkward position. I want to show my appreciation to my officiant friend and music friends, but I don't want to "over-give" since they are performing/playing to be generous to me. Also, I feel very awkward forcing a cash-filled envelope onto my 60-plus-year-old officiant/friend/colleague.
What is the appropriate course of action at this point? (I have not offered housing to the musicians yet - at this point with everyone refusing, I feel almost like I'd rather not offer and avoid the awkwardness, and just give something that will be accepted happily).
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Aug 7, 2007, 6:32 PM
Post #2 of 2
(1050 views)
Re: [futureplanning] Paying for Accomodations
[In reply to]
Dear Futureplanning,
I knew who posted this before I read your name. You always make me smile with your caring attitude toward others.
Of course just smiling and saying thank you (following up with notes, which I'm sure you will) is all that is required. But, you could put together a welcome basket that includes information about your city might be a very nice gift. It is thoughtful without being too much. They seem to really want to give to you and if you gave them too much they may feel that they need to give more.
Paying for Accomodations
