Who arranges the accommodations for destination wedding guests
When planning a destination wedding is it the bride and grooms responsibility to find appropriate accomodations for their guests?
My husband and I were invited to a destination wedding along with a few other friends. We were sent an invitation along with 2 choices for accomodations, both of which the bride and groom highly recommended stating they were both very nice. The bride has very good taste and is trustworthy for her standard of living, or so we thought. One was high end, and the other was moderate. My husband and I normally stay in high end hotels, but the other guests we were going with, couldn't afford it, so we chose to stay with them in the moderately priced one. We didn't have any worries believing the bride and groom chose well and checked these places out and they were staying at this same place to boot.
We made the reservations 4 months in advance and two days before leaving the groom called my husband and said they were not staying at the hotel they recommended that they got a condo and that we should think about it too. My husband wondered why, and said we would just stay where we were.
When we arrived, very late at night, with 5 people, we found our hotel was NOT to our standards, and were quite shocked and upset. It was old, beat up, stank, paint peeling off walls, and we were all quite upset. No one wanted to stay so we called other hotels for nearly 2 hours and finally found one that we thought sounded good and it turned out to be to our satisfaction.
When the bride and groom called us the next day, they said they told us 3 days prior that we might want to get another place. We were all in disbelief, because he never told us why, and that the place was awful and that is why they didn't even stay there. They had not checked it out prior just picked it from the internet! They blamed US and did not take any responsibility for it and actually made us look bad that we ruined the weekend!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Oct 22, 2007, 10:31 AM)
TWQadmin
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Oct 22, 2007, 10:36 AM
Post #2 of 7
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Re: [DietCoke1] Who arranges the accommodations for destination wedding guests
[In reply to]
Before you get your answer - I'd like to ask you to consider what you'll do with this information once you have it. Seems to me this is water under the bridge. Hopefully, you'll just use the information in case you're ever in this situation again. But, if it were me, and I was traveling and paying for my own trip, I'd check to see where I was sending my money, no matter whose responsibility it was to choose.
Maybe next time ask the couple if they have been to the location and know the places they are recommending.
It's hard to make any judgement abut what happened here because there are always two sides to every story and they always lose something in the translation. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
DietCoke1
Oct 22, 2007, 11:13 AM
Post #3 of 7
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Re: [TWQadmin] Who arranges the accommodations for destination wedding guests
[In reply to]
What will I do with information? Why would you ask that, I'm looking for etiquette and I thought that was what this forum was for if I'm correct? I copied and pasted their email Word document. We did check out the web sites and of course they both look nice. You can make anything look better in pictures, anyone knows that. We were more going on THEIR recommendation. We paid for flight, attire (white only) and hotel. They gave us $100 food voucher for 3 days.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Oct 22, 2007, 1:04 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 22, 2007, 11:48 AM
Post #4 of 7
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Re: [DietCoke1] Who arranges the accommodations for destination wedding guests
[In reply to]
The answer to your original question is that it is the guest's obligation to find accommodations for a destination wedding. The couple may want to provide suggestions of local hotels and it is a nice gesture. But, it isn't obligatory.
I would have thought by the email that those two places were nice as well. But, things do change. Perhaps the couple had been to the hotel they suggested years ago and found it to be quite nice.
The bottom line here is that no one forced you to book this hotel. They only suggested it. So, if you want to place blame, there is enough to go around. Of course, the couple shouldn't be blaming you either. If they knew the hotel wasn't what they had promised, then they should have informed you.
I also feel impelled to mention that your last post did seem a bit impolite and dismissive to the Wedding Queen. We provide a free service and she deserves better. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
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Oct 22, 2007, 1:13 PM
Post #5 of 7
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Re: [DietCoke1] Who arranges the accommodations for destination wedding guests
[In reply to]
Yes, I asked what you will do with the information since it is never good etiquette to point out someone else's indiscretion. So, my original question stands - what will you do with the information? Are you going to go to the bridal couple with the answer? What will that solve? Even if you were 100% in the right, what good would it do to argue the point with them? What's done is done. In my opinion, this will not make anything better.
...and, thanks Rebecca. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
DietCoke1
Oct 22, 2007, 1:17 PM
Post #6 of 7
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Re: [Etiquette Now] Who arranges the accommodations for destination wedding guests
[In reply to]
WEE
No they did not stay at this place before, they only found it to be unsatisfactory when they themselves got there two days prior. That is when they called us and said they found a condo instead, but never telling us why. The groom is a very, very good friend of my husband's since childhood.
No no one "forced" us to stay, but going by the letter you would agree they checked it out. It's either you agree or you don't. This is also a second marriage I might add, and only family was supposed to attend. It was much later she asked 4 close friends, in which this all started.
<<Before you get your answer - I'd like to ask you to consider what you'll do with this information once you have it. Seems to me this is water under the bridge.>>
I thought THIS was impolite. I simply asked a question and wanted a professional answer. I was in fact offended by the response "which is why I wrote what I did, but it was in no way disrespectful, it was defending my question.
I'm sorry I came here, my apolgies I will find a more professional site. What I will do with the information is entirely up to me, not you. I sought etiquette is all. Have a good day.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Nov 9, 2007, 9:21 PM)
TWQadmin
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Oct 22, 2007, 1:30 PM
Post #7 of 7
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Re: [DietCoke1] Who arranges the accommodations for destination wedding guests
[In reply to]
You asked for advice. If you ask then you open yourself up to get an answer, and maybe an answer you might not like. Your friends didn't ask. If they asked, "How did you enjoy your stay?" then you could surely tell them. My answer was in response to etiquette since, again, it is not polite to point out their lack of etiquette (if there was any).
If this is a very good friend, why would you want to force this issue?
Be careful what you ask for... Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Nov 9, 2007, 9:23 PM)
Who arranges the accommodations for destination wedding guests
