destination wedding as a solution to etiquette conundrums?
Hi-
I've learned so much already from this forum. Thanks! I have a sort of multi-pronged question and I am hoping you can help. My new fiance and I are talking about a destination wedding. One reason we are contemplating this option is that I dislike the sense of obligation that I've seen surrounding friends' weddings - they HAD to invite family and "friends" they didn't even like (or know particularly well) because they felt obliged to be "nice". I don't want to deal with that. This leads to my first question - if you are asking some extended family (ie. two aunts and an uncle from my mother's side of the family...not all my mother's siblings and not their families, just them) do you have to ask all the extended family from the other side (ie. my father's parents, brothers, sister and horrible partners and children)? I hate to think it's all or nothing when it comes to inviting extended family.
The question of invitations also puts me in a confused state when it comes to friends. Though there are friends I have recently made who I would like to invite, I also have a large group of friends from my hometown; I'm closer to some than to others, but we are seen as a cohesive "group" because most of us travelled together after college (though there are a few people in this "group" who did not go on that trip). Members of this "group" who are already married had HUGE weddings (ie. 300-500 people, including parents' friends and other complete strangers) and so inviting all the members of this "group" (about 15 people), whether that individual was particularly close to all 15 people or not, was no big deal. Consequently all 15 people have gone in on very large group gifts with a great deal of sentimental attachment (as I said, some of us are very close, with the exception of a few hangers-on who sort of fake being close) for the first 4 weddings of "group" members. I realize that my destination wedding would potentially be the first wedding that would be very different. My fiance and I were hoping to cap the invitations at about 40 people. There are people in this "group" I would not get married without. There are others (maybe 3) I care for but don't ABSOLUTELY need to have there. There are others (2) I actually really dislike. (I realize that therefore the number of people I really want to have at my wedding represents a majority of the group, which means the people who wouldn't be invited might seem obviously excluded). The tradition of this "group" sticking together (and even more awkwardly, giving a gift together) puts me in a tough position and I'm not sure what to do. I can't stand the thought of having someone at my wedding, particularly my small, carefully-limited destination wedding, that I frankly don't like. It should be said, too, that I don't expect a big gift from all of them. My concern is not the gift. My concern is more that they are going to start planning my gift assuming that all 15 are invited when they wouldn't all be.
This all sounds so petty but I am being brutally honest in the hope that you can help me and give me some proper (and likewise brutally honest!) advice...thanks so much.
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Re: [displacedigloo] destination wedding as a solution to etiquette conundrums?
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You have several questions contained in this post, many which have been addressed already. Please edit the post, breaking it into one question at a time for ease of reading and answering by specific experts. Be sure that you scan the posts and use the search tool to find previous answers. Thanks. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
destination wedding as a solution to etiquette conundrums?
