My close friend recently got engaged and asked me to be her bridesmaid. Her other attendants live on the other side of the country, but the groomsmen all live here. At the time, she was planning a local wedding. She recently changed her mind and decided to have the wedding in wine country, 2.5 hour drive from town. We were instructed to arrive the Thursday before her wedding and stay through the weekend. She also said to expect to pay about $200/night a room. Because the other bridesmaids are married and will be with their husbands, she said I should expect to have a room to myself for the weekend (a $600 cost).
I was so thrilled to stand up for my friend on her big day, and was happy to incur the associated expenses: dress, shower gift, bachelorette party, wedding gift, hair & makeup (which she is requiring at our expense), and pre-wedding spa day. But with the added lodging expense, this has become more than I signed up for (financially speaking) and more than I EVER expected to spend.
I can't help feeling like this has become a destination wedding - particularly since she expects us to spend three nights at a hotel. Does the destination wedding etiquette of paying for attendants' accommodations apply here? If so, can you suggest a delicate way to broach this subject with her?
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 25, 2008, 6:37 PM
Post #2 of 2
(855 views)
Re: [bridesmaidtobe] how to approach bride about lodging costs...
[In reply to]
Dear Bridesmaidtobe,
If an attendant has to obtain lodging for any wedding, the couple is obligated to pay for it. So, she is obligated. She shouldn't dictate how long you stay or require any of you to pay for a spa day. That is your choice. Plus, the shower and bachelorette parties are optional. So, all of you have the choice of hosting or no.
Now, all of that really doesn't matter if she insists and doesn't know any better. Expectations and fairness to others sometimes don't line up. If it were me, I would be honest about the cost and inform her that I had read that she is obligated to pay for her attendant's lodging. It may help her change her plans.
how to approach bride about lodging costs...
