I'm at my wits end with my fiance & his possible new job. He interviewed for a position at a federal prison over a month ago and has heard nothing back. I understand that it takes awhile for the feds to do a background check, what I don't seem to understand is that he knows I'm trying to get everything for the wedding done now so i'm not stressed out the few months before it (June 2006). He said it would only take a month or so for him to find out about the job and then we could decide where to go for a honeymoon.
I'm so fed up with waitingto hear and trying to support him if he gets this job. If he gets the job, we will not be going on a honeymoon so our wedding celebration will technically end that night and as of now, I don't really want to go on a honeymoon. The reason for that being that lately, he hasn't helped with anything for our wedding (which is normal for guys) but neither has his mom.
My mom lives in PA and is trying to do what she can to help me with the wedding, but there's only so much we can do over the phone. I'm also to the point that i don't want to plan anything else to do with the wedding right now and i'm tryin to save what's left of my sanity.
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Sep 19, 2005, 12:29 PM
Post #2 of 2
(1689 views)
Re: [punkchic1221] Probably not going on a Honeymoon
[In reply to]
I can understand your frustration at not being able to plan everything and at the fact that you may not get a traditional honeymoon at all. Everyone plans for and anticipates this special time, to get their married life off to the best start. However, it seems that there's really only one scenario in all of this that would bring you some satisfaction and that would be your fiance not getting the job at all, and finding out sooner than later. I'm also not sure how finances play a role in all of this, the wedding itself and your life together, so depending on the answer to those questions, perhaps the job is a key element here. It may interfere with planning the wedding and having the honeymoon the way you want it, but consider also the practical side of things, that he probably does need a job. I can see how this thing could tear you apart, as it is already seems to be. And then if you can only be happy if he doesn't get the job he wants, that will most certainly create even more tension between the two of you,
Think about what you really want. Is it a life with this person despite the pitfalls you're experiencing right now? If not, you know the answer; if so, then start focussing on the relationship and spend less time thinking about some of those things that are out of your control, for example if you both need him to get this job and the honeymoom just doesn't factor in, then that is that. Perhaps you could take a holiday now and celebrate a special time together in anticipation of the wedding. When you love someone, any time together can be made special. And then talk to him and to his mother, explain how important it would be to you to have some help with the preparations - maybe she in particular, doesn't realize you want her help as much as you do, and is sitting back waiting to be invited. If not, and you are on your own to plan things in the absence of certainty about some of the details, ask yourself if these obstacles you are facing are making you seriously doubt your love for and or commitment to your fiance. If that is the case you could take a couple of routes. 1.) Take a break from each other for awhile until you have figured out what your absolute priorities are and how much you are willing to compromise in the relationship or 2.) Get involved in some pre-marital counselling to sort out these issues and find out if the problems are about the job, the honeymoon, and his unwillingness to help with the planning, or something deeper.
I wish you the best of luck in sorting through these things before you make a life-long commitment. Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Probably not going on a Honeymoon
